COME AND GONE

 

A coffin and a condom

Have in common something

They're both filled with stiffs

Either coming or going

BUTTY SNOBBERY

 

My wife has always believed

In Triangular sandwich superiority

In taste to the square

Common or garden variety

FIGHT NIGHT

 

A man who with his wife

All day, will fight

Will undoubtedly get

No piece at night

I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS # 5

I have many questions

That are not in my own environ

What’s underwear called if its

The only thing that you have on

HOLIDAY HIGHLIGHT

 

I was on a family holiday in Dubrovnik in the late eighties at a time when it was still part of old republic of Yugoslavia.

It was not the best holiday I’ve ever had in fact it was awful caused by a combination of foul weather, the worst summer for four decades we were reliably informed, and the unfriendliness people it’s ever been my misfortune to come into contact with, in fact they made Parisians look friendly and Bavarians seem charming.

In retrospect there were obviously unseen tensions lurking beneath the surface, which finally erupted into the vicious civil war, which saw the breakup of the old Yugoslav republic.

However, on this particular morning the weather had picked up a little and the sun was shining, and the restaurant waitresses seemed a little less surly than usual, so we went for a walk after breakfast.

We headed towards the marina through a rather pleasant little park when we noticed something on the quayside, so we went over to investigate.

We came upon a scene with cameras and lights and an arrangement of rails on the ground for the camera to run along and a lot of people milling around like a group of industrious ants and then there was another smaller group with two men dressed in east German uniforms and the unmistakable figure of the great Welsh actor Jonathan Rhys-Davies.

I know that some of you are asking “who the hell is Jonathan Rhys-Davies” well you may not recognize the name, but you would certainly recognize the face and some of the many characters he’s played such as Prof. Maximilian Arturo in the sci-fi series Sliders, Sallah, the jovial north African friend of Indiana Jones in the adventure movies and Gimli in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

So now we all know who he is I will continue.

We stopped to watch the filming and surprisingly there were very few people who did stop to watch the proceedings and most of those who did quickly moved on.

Which I found quite strange as it wasn’t as if there was anything more interesting to do in Dubrovnik during the wettest summer for forty years.

There were several takes of the shot they were filming and between takes Mr. Rhys-Davies kept looking over in our direction and when the director was finally satisfied with what he had done, he signaled for them to pack up for the day.

On this signal Mr Rhys-Davies made a beeline to where we were standing and greeted us like we were long lost friends and kissed my mum, which thrilled her to bits.

We exchanged introductions and he proceeded to explain that they were in Yugoslavia to film a pilot for a proposed TV show for one of the American networks entitled “THE COMPANY” in which he played a CIA man. He then wanted to know where we were from, where we were staying, how long we were staying, were we enjoying it.

All of course totally irrelevant to him but he took the time to find out about us rather than do the usual Luvvie thing of talking about themselves and listing their credits, there was no me me me with him at all.

He spent over half an hour chatting with us then he posed for photos, but not in a grandstanding way like stars do for the benefit of the paparazzi, then he kissed my mum again.

He had to be called three times by his production people to get in the car and even then, he apologized profusely that he had to leave.

Whenever we watch an Indian Jones movie or an episode of Sliders before I can even speak my wife says, “I know its Jonathan Rhys-Davies, you met him in Dubrovnik and he’s a very nice man”, before I can say a word how sad is that.

ONE DAY YOU'RE COCK OF THE WALK

 

One day you're cock of the walk,

Striding with a prideful luster

However, pride goes before a fall

And then you’re just a feather duster

CREATURES OF GREEK MYTHOLOGY – PEGASUS

 

Born from Medusa's neck when she was beheaded by Perseus

Pegasus the immortal winged horse that was sired by Poseidon

It was a wild shining white horse until one night it was captured

While drinking at the spring of Peirene by the hero Bellerophon

 

Pegasus was captured with the aid of a magical Golden Bridle

That would tame even the wildest horse and given him by Athena

Then prince Bellerophon rode brave Pegasus in the land of Lycia

And victorious into battle against the three headed Chimaera

Then Bellerophon, so happy with himself for killing the monster

Decided to try and ride Pegasus to the top of Mount Olympus

Zeus was so enraged he struck down and crippled Bellerophon

And as a carrier of thunderbolts Zeus used the immortal Pegasus