WHAT AN IDEA

 

The stealing of ideas from one

Is plagiarizing

But the stealing of ideas from many

Is researching

I THINK I WILL

 

A conclusion

Is the time and place, where

Someone got tired

Of thinking I declare

YOU KNOW YOU’VE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK WHEN

 

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

Your Job is interfering with your drinking. 

You lose arguments with inanimate objects

And the whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

When you stand up and fall down on your ass

Clare short starts to look very attractive

You only recognize your wife through the bottom of a glass.

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

That pink elephant followed you home again

Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you

You try to dance like Kelly in singing in the rain

 

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

"TORO TORO TORO!” you wake up and scream

At AA meetings you can’t remember your name

Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream

You know you’ve had too much to drink when

Your Basic diet is Caffeine, Alcohol and Nicotine

You can focus much better with one eye closed 

Clare Short is the most beautiful woman you’ve seen

AND THEY ALL LIVED

 

I think it is only possible

Unless I am remiss

To live happily-ever-after

On a day-to-day basis

ON THE COUCH

 

Why is it that psychoanalysis for men

Is so much quicker than it is for women?

When it's time to go back to childhood, then

He’s already there way back when

BBC - BIG BUDGET CUTS

Having heard the news about the job losses and general cutbacks at the BBC I thought you might be interested in seeing this leaked BBC document from Dame Leslie to her underlings or department heads that found it way into me possession.

Beneath the BBC logo it is sub headed BIG BUDGET CUTS.

We need to make economies or that’s your bonus gone and the cars.

LAVATORIES, it would be preferable if staff could hold it until they get home but if they must use our facilities they should not flush every time they go, one in three is ample and they only need to wash one hand.

CLEANING SERVICES will be cut and staff will need clean their own offices and studios or get someone to do it for them, the public school boys will know what that means.

CATERING, teabags should be shared and all vending machines, tea trolleys and canteens will only sell food that’s past it sell by date your normally good for a week out of date anyway and I think fresh sandwiches are overrated.

 

This is only the first salvo in the war on waste.

 

Signed Dame Leslie Douglas

 

I expect her new catch phrase will be “glad not to have you on board”

I’ll keep you posted if I get any more. 

MIDSOMER MURDER

 

I was thinking recently about Midsomer murders and how in the first series inspector Barnaby had another daughter.

Cully was either still at school or at college and her older sister whose name escapes me was married.

However, she had the annoying habit of returning home every time she and her husband had a tiff.

These visits were not well received by Barnaby and were often accompanied by wailing, gnashing of teeth and a good deal of tears.

However now there is only Cully and even she was absent in the last outing.

Does anyone know what happened to the elder daughter?

Maybe Tom could take no more and she’s under the patio.

That would be a twist.

However now I come to think of it I maybe confusing Barnaby with Inspector Wexford.