DISTRESSED

 

Life can really leave you in a mess

So here are two steps to handle stress

1. Don't worry about the small stuff

2. Remember that it's all small stuff

DON’T QUOTE ME

 

Remember Misquotations are

The only quotations thus far

And it should be duly noted

That are never ever misquoted

SHIRTY

 

I saw a woman at a party

Wearing a printed T-shirt

She was well endowed

Twenty something bit of skirt

And the question "Guess?"

Was printed on the shirt

Thinking for a moment

"Implants?" I said quite curt

NOTHING TO LOSE

 

Here’s the rub and I’m not bluffing

I started out in life with nothing,

And after several years of shit

I can say I still have most of it

MUMMY’S LITTLE ANGEL

 

A little blonde girl comes home from school

Very excited with news for her mum to submit

"Mummy, mummy today we learnt how to count

The others got to five, but I got to ten good init

"Yes darling, very good, what a clever girl

You’ve done ever so well I have to admit”

 "Is it because I’m blonde mummy?" "Yes darling,

Its because your blonde", “yes, it is mummy isn’t it”

 

Next day the girl comes home from school

Very excited with news for her mum to submit

"Mummy, mummy today we learnt the alphabet

The others got to k but I got up to z good init

"Yes darling, very good, what a clever girl

You’ve done ever so well I have to admit”

 "Is it because I’m blonde mummy?" "Yes darling,

It’s because your blonde", “yes, it is mummy isn’t it”

 

Next day the girl comes home from school

Very excited with something for her mum to see

"Mummy, today we went swimming, and well,

All the other girls are flat chested but look at me!"

She proceeds to show her breasts to her mum

"Yes darling, you are a very big girl I can see"

 "Is it because I’m blonde mummy?" "No darling,

"You have big breasts because you're twenty-three"

DARNED WABBIT

 

Rabbits’ feet are used as a lucky charm

But here’s a thought to cause alarm

If it’s true they bring luck then how is it

That having four didn’t help the rabbit

WHAT’S UP DOC?

 

The old wifes tale certainly implies

That carrots are good for the eyes

If that is really true and they haven’t lied

Why so many dead rabbits by the roadside