I need to get some help
But
they won’t let me in
I’m
going off the rails again
But
they won’t let me in
I
need to get some therapy
But
they won’t let me in
My
medication has run out
But
they won’t let me in
I
can’t stand the pace of life
But
they won’t let me in
They
helped me once before
Why
won’t they let me in?
The
only reason they give
“There’s
no room at the bin”
Remember men who fish
In
another man’s water
Will
often catch crabs
At
least he bloody oughta
I will offer you this wise piece of advice
It’s
a simple fact of life that never fails
It’s
this “if you like to scratch your bum”
“You
should never bite your fingernails”
My mum often used to say to me
Will
you stop all that fiddle di di
Playing
with yourself constantly
You
will go blind just you mark me
I
said to her with all due respects
I
think I’ll carry on until I need specs
At
the time I thought what a silly cow
I
really wish I’d listened to her now
If
only I had at least given it a try
I
might at least have saved one eye
After a good night out
And
I’ve had a drink or two
I've
never been to bed
And
I've bedded a few
With
an ugly woman
Not
even one or two
But
I can tell you this
I've
woken up with a few
My uncle had a parrot when I was young
It
was a blue and yellow colored bird
He
got it first when he was a naval man
And
it had the foulest mouth you ever heard
It
would swear in front of my old aunts
All
the neighbors and even the reverend
Next
time the punishment would be severe
After
every outburst the parrot was warned
The
bird thought they were empty threats
So,
the parrot did swear a further time
And
the punishment was extremely severe
He
was thrown into the freezer for his crime
He
was shivering and cold and very sorry
When
he was let out after an hour or two
He
apologized unreservedly but asked
Tell
me what on earth did that chicken do?
While I was standing at the bus stop one day
An
old blind man and his dog passed my way
As
they were about to cross via the pelican
The
dog cocked his leg urinating on the man
The
man reached into his pocket for a treat
And
leant down to feed the dog at his feet
Amazed
by this great act of human kindness
I
remarked to him about his thoughtfulness
I
need to find out where his mouth is friend
The
blind man said so I can kick his arse end
