WORLD WIDE WEB

 

A passionate kiss is like a spider’s web

And I’ll tell you why

Because it will almost inevitably lead

To the undoing of a fly

BIG BIRD

 

I was expecting to see a big-busted piece

When I looked over the garden fence

A bird table and some common old birds

Was all I could see which made no sense

 

Now I only heard part of the conversation

But I heard no mention at all of a bird

When they were talking of her at fifty-two

But “tits like coconuts” was what I heard

IT CAN’T BE

No matter how bad it is when they tell you

You never quite believe it’s true

No matter the stories that are told to you

You never quite believe they’re true

No matter what anecdotes they quote to you

You never quite believe they’re true

Its only when you have endured the stress

You have truly experienced the NHS

BATH SYMPTON

A middle-aged man went to his doctor’s surgery

The doctor asked, “Why have you’ve come to me?”

Listening very carefully with his head to one side

With a nod “I think I’m going deaf” the man replied

Then the doctor said, “Tell me what the symptoms are”

“They’re a yellow cartoon family and Bart’s the star”

HAPPY AND GAY

 

George, my second cousin twice removed is very gay

“My mum made me a homosexual” he’ s oft heard to say

Now I lean that way, so if I was to get her the material

I thought I might ask if she could make me one as well

IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?

 

A new quiz show is coming very soon

It will be a one off though to be fair

Its only open to uniformed doormen

It’s “who wants to be a commissionaire”

REALLY?

 

The latest TV craze is for reality shows

And they seem that they are at their peak

There are some new ones starting very soon

In fact, the first of them starts next week

And they have chosen a religious theme

In order to tap into the large Christian poll

The first one is aimed at the Roman Catholics

To choose a new pontiff and called “pope idol”

Then for the Protestant’s to keep a balance

For church choristers and singers of gospels

The host is a tall, bearded man named Mathew

The show will be called “stars in your aisles”