I HAVE MANY QUESTIONS # 4

 

I have many questions

That are not my Jurisdiction

And I ponder if it’s possible

To have too much moderation?

SO NOT ATTRACTIVE

 

I like to see women in a tailored suit

And black tights on nurses make me glad

Uniformed in any kind of military garb

Schoolgirls dressed in skirts of plaid

Even traffic wardens have great appeal

And policewoman in white and blue

An air hostess wearing a ridiculous hat

And I love to see a ballerina in a tutu

These outfits all add to the attraction

Of women as a general rule of thumb

But seeing thongs above their hipsters

Is the female equivalent of builder’s bum

DOES MY BUM LOOK BIG IN THIS?

 

Does my bum look big in this?

Well, is the answer no or yes

Actually, you have a big bum

So, stop blaming it on the dress

OSCAR AND THE DAME

 

One day with her nephew or niece

Dame Peggy Ashcroft was travelling

In Royal Berkshire on British railways

When they came to a halt just outside Reading

 

For quite a while they were stationary

The train motionless on the silent rail

When looking out the steamy windows

Through the trees they could see Reading gaol

 

“Oscar Wilde was once in that prison”

“Really what did he do to get in there?”

Dame Peggy tried to put it delicately

She said “Well um uh he didn’t really fit in dear”

DI

 

Diana Princess of Wales

She’s dead now of course

Was known for many things

But mostly as a clothes horse

HOW MUCH?

 

For thirty-five years I have paid

Via PAYE income taxation

 

For thirty-five years I have paid

My National Insurance contribution

 

For twenty-five years I have paid

For my private medical protection

 

But what I’m not prepared to pay

Is for my GP to sign my application

I HOPE I’M A CELBRITY WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE

 

This Ant and Dec as far as I can tell

Are on TV a lot and doing quite well

I don’t really watch them much you see

Because they’re not really my cup of tea

Recently they were called in the press

Something that causes me great distress

The claim that has caused such concern

“Ant and Dec are the new Eric and Ern”

Well, I’m sorry but I simply must disagree

There can never be a new Eric and Ernie

They won’t even replace Cannon and Ball

Little and Large or any double acts at all

It won’t ever happen no matter who tries

But they may be the new Little and Wise