CAN WE HAVE A PET DAD?

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about some fish?

Swimming in a tank

                   Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   And no, I don’t like fish

Swimming in a tank

                   I like them poached lightly on a dish

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about a hamster?

Running on a wheel

                   Oh, can I have one sir

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   No, I don’t like hamsters

Running on a wheel

                   But baked in the oven with roasters

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about a cat?

Purring on your lap

                   What’s wrong with that?

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   And no, I don’t like cat

Purring on my lap

                   Curried though oh yes, I do like that

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about a gerbil?

They’re cuddly and cute

                   That would be a thrill

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   And no, I don’t like a gerbil

Even cuddly and cute

                   Except in white wine sauce with dill

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   Now how about some mice?

They’re not big like rats

                   They’d be very nice

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   And no, I don’t like mice

Though not big like rats

                   I like them served on a bed of rice

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about a rat?

They’re cheap to keep

                   What do you think of that?

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   And no, I don’t like rats

Even I have standards

                    I think I would rather eat my hats

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about a doggie?

Playing with a ball

                   Much better than a moggie

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   And no, I don’t like dogs

Playing with a ball

                   But I do like to wok the dogs

 

Can we have a pet dad?

                   How about a parrot?

Chatting on its perch

                   I’d like that a lot

No, we can’t have a pet son

                   No, I don’t like them see

Chatting on their perch

                   Because parrots repeat on me

PASSION SPENT

 

After over twenty-five years together

Through both foul and sunny weather

Sex doesn’t seem the same anymore

The flame has gone out that’s for sure

 

Love making used to be spontaneous

Now we have to achieve a consensus

And the earth doesn’t move anymore

Even moving the headboard’s, a chore

 

Then we were young eager and supple

Now we are a more sedentary couple

Then we spent most of our time in bed

Now we have a nice cup of tea instead

CAST OFF’S

You know this brings a lump to my throat

My wife has thrown out my favorite coat

She did the same with trousers and slacks

Scuffed trainers with squashed down backs

Baggy knitted jumpers and old faded jeans

Joggers with patches and oft repaired seems

When will she learn what she does is a sin

Because they’re not worn out just worn in

CONCORDE

 

Made jointly in Britain and France   

This thing of beauty and elegance

I was at school when she first flew

It would not be bested that I knew

When a boy it was only a prototype

So unique there was no need to hype

The most beautiful sight I ever saw

Impossible not to be left in awe

I thought it was a fantastic dream

Revolutionary as harnessing steam

An example of the designer’s art

Shaped like a hi-tech paper dart

To see the white lady gracefully soar

And hear the Rolls Royce engines roar

Brian Trubshaw brought her to life

Cutting through the ether like a knife

Its painted livery reflecting bright

While achieving supersonic flight

Apparently not everyone is a fan

Not seeing the achievement of man

The have-nots looked on with envy

Was it the craft of the bourgeoisie?

The powers that be in their wisdom

Have grounded this phenomenon

The news brings tears to my eyes

As she’s no longer to grace our skies

So, what’s to become of the Concorde?

The graceful lady so much adored

The destiny of the planes is a done deal

Broken for scrap or sale piecemeal

As if taken out of service is not enough

Pieces will be sold on eBay to a buff

Or maybe something even more bizarre

To be used as ornaments or Object d’art

No more chance of traveling deluxe

Were left to the flying cattle trucks

The Lumbering giants defying gravity

With Bigger payloads and longevity

HOMOSEXUALITY IS NOT A DISEASE

 

Homosexuality is not a disease

Nor is it against God or his word

And being “Different” is not a crime

It is neither unnatural nor abhorrent

No one cares if Adam loves Steve

Instead of loving Eve

There is no right way or wrong way

For matters of the heart

What matters is that they feel love

Love is indifferent to philosophy,

Theological perspective or social acceptability

There is no good love or bad love

There is no right love or wrong love

There is only love

And any relationship founded on love

Has my blessing

ALAS MEL SMITH

 

Melvin Kenneth "Mel" Smith (3 December 1952 – 19 July 2013)

 

Mel Smith

Comedian and writer,

Film director,

Producer and actor

Jack of all trades

Master of all

MY UNCLE GROWS VEG

 

My uncle grows veg

Not for eating though

He is after prizes

At the garden show

 

Every waking hour

He nurtures and nurses

Mixing up solutions

As he coaxes and coerces

 

Enormous Marrows

Giant Asparagus

Towering Celery

And humungous fungus