SAFETY FIRST

 

I believe I know how Shepherds

                                    Manage to practice safe sex?

For on the backs of animals that kick.

                                    They paint a big red X

THATS RARE

 

What is the difference

                              Between medium and rare?

Well six inches is medium

                              But eight is really very rare

MACHO MAN

 

The definition of a macho man

I will answer that one if I can

Is a man who jogs home to tea

After he’s just had a vasectomy

ETIQUETTE OF THE CONFESSIONAL

 

Young Priest Benedict was nervous about hearing his first confession

So he decided to ask an old Priest, John to sit in on his first session

Young Father Benedict is happy when he heard his first one or two

However old Father John is concerned after hearing the first few

John says, “step out of the confessional to hear a few suggestions”

Benedict agrees hoping Father John will answer all his questions

John says "fold your arms in your lap or rub your chin with your hand"

John continues "try saying things like 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand”

Young Benedict repeats the words and adopts the pose requested

After practicing with Father John in the style that was suggested

John, nodding, patted Benedict on the back as he practiced once again

"Now, isn’t that better than shouting, 'wow... What happened then?'"

RICH ROAST

 

They say men are like Coffee

That’s what I heard all right

The best are rich and warm

And keep you up all night

IS TODAY YOUR DAY?

 

I can only please one person a day

Today is not going to go your way

Nor tomorrow I would have to say

OH LOOK A FLY

 

As I drove one day, I saw a fly

I saw it as it caught my eye

What went through its mind

I wondered as it flew blind

And it hit the windscreen glass?

It was almost certainly its arse