MONOPOLY

If monopolies are so bad

Because of competition

Why is there only one

Monopolies commission

 

ONE IN FIVE

 

One in five in

The world today

Are apparently

Chinese they say

 

Now we have five

In our family

So, one is Chinese

I know it’s not me

Well, it’s not mum

Or my dad even

So, it must be one

Of my brothers then

 

Now is it Colin

Or Lee Woon Jae

I think its Colin

I have to say

MARK ANTONY’S RUMP

 

Rump, sirloin, brisket, all but the ears

I come to roast beef not to braise it

Liver that can be so good with onions

Tripe, offal, and soup made with their bones

So, let it be with beef the noble cow

LIVING ALONE

 

When you live on your own

You let your standards drop

You can even turn into a slob

When you start you cannot stop

 

But it’s your personnel hygiene

Which will suffer the most

And as for your washing habits

They are of nothing to boast

 

When you live on your own

Sinking so low you will confess

When your standards are low

Even using the spaghetti test

 

You can peel off your socks

And throw them at the wall

But you can wear them again

As long as they don’t stick at all

BOURNEMOUTH

 

Go to Bournemouth for rheumatism

Because the town is good for it

So, I spent last summer there

And they were right because I got it

COOKING ROMEO

 

But soft and light filling, through pastry breaks

Is it the yeast and flour in the buns?

Arise soufflé and lunch will be soon

Who is ready to sit and dine on beef? 

SCENE OF THE SLIME

 

Now yesterday I planted out

My annuals in a bed laid out

I went to take a look today

But find my annuals gone away

What evil in my garden walks?

All I see are marigold stalks

Now I see the trails of slime

I know who did this awful crime

Not creepy crawlies or even bugs

But evil little snails and slugs

You cannot poison them they say

That isn’t nice there’s another way

Grit or eggshell on the trail

Or little cups of beer or ale

But I’m not one to treat them nice

They will pay the ultimate price