21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 358
Hey diddle diddle
Someone’s on the fiddle
It will probably be
Another celebrity
Not paying their tax
WE LEARNED ABOUT FOOD GROUPS TODAY AT SCHOOL
We learned about food groups today at school
Confections, vegetables, meat and protein
Dairy, fruits, grains, pulses and legumes
But what about Alcohol, Nicotine and Caffeine
ARE YOU WEARING ANY?
Are you wearing any?
Beneath your tartan gear
Because if your kilt flares up
There will be a raucous cheer
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 6
If your blind date is described to you
As “a free spirit” you may fancy a frolic
But it will be far worse than it sounds
They’re either a drug addict or an alcoholic
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 4
Is there anything more annoying?
Than when checking your tyre pressure
And you're trying to get a reading
Your pressure gauge lets out half the air
FOGHORN LEGHORN DIDN’T LIKE TO GO OUT
Foghorn Leghorn didn’t like to go out
It made his heartbeat quicken
So he wouldn’t even cross the road
Because he was a chicken
OVER CHRISTMAS THE AMBULANCE SERVICE
Over Christmas the ambulance service
Were “super busy”, meaning it was hectic
I’ve never heard that unit of measurement
So I’m not sure if it’s imperial or metric
WHEN WILLIAM JOINED THE ARMY
When William joined the army
He struggled with some of the drill
But the thing he hated the most
Was when they said “fire at will”
WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS
When life gives you lemons
Making lemonade is the trick
When life gives you melons
You’re probably dyslexic
WHEN I GO AND PLAY GOLF
When I go and play golf, there
Is something I’ve always done
I take a second pair of Trousers
Just in case I get a hole in one
HERE IS AN INTERESTING FACT
Here is an interesting fact
Which should come as no surprise
The inventor of the humble
Door knocker won the No-bell prize
POETRY CAN BE VERY ROMANTIC
Poetry can be very romantic
But it doesn’t work for all
And it doesn’t really count if
You write it on a toilet wall
Thursday, 5 February 2015
A Little Bit Of Humour # 83
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 357
Did you ever see a lassie?
A lassie, a lassie?
I’m not sure terms of endearment
Of that kind are strictly PC
ARE YOU WEARING A DENIM SHIRT?
Are you wearing a denim shirt?
Well if I may be so bold
Whether it’s in fashion or not
You manage to make it look old
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 5
If your blind date is described to you
As “passionate and beautiful” don’t try her
Because in all probability she’ll be
A Sloppy drunk and a pathological liar
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 3
Is there anything more annoying? As when
You want to use a word but can’t spell it
And fail to look it up in the dictionary
Because you don't know how to spell it
DIETING TIP # 9
Things licked off knives and spoons,
Which can be any soupcon or delicacy,
During the process of preparation
Are absolutely devoid of calories
FOGHORN LEGHORN AND ALL HIS PALS # 2
Foghorn leghorn and all his pals
Have all chosen to assemble
Their very own chicken choir
Which is called a Hensemble
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don’t know what to do
About all the sex, nudity,
Foul language and violence
On my DVD
CHOCOLATE BUTTONS
Chocolate buttons have always
Struck me as being rather rude
You may think it strange but
After all they’re Smartie’s in the nude
A COUPLE OF WOMEN
A couple of women
Live next door to me
One is middle-aged
And teaches PE
The other a social worker
In her mid-twenties
They go everywhere together
If you please
And I’ve never seen a man
Either enter or leave
I’m beginning to think
That they might be Lebanese
BEING FROM AN ARMY FAMILY I DREADED
Being from an army family I dreaded
Being invited to the officer’s mess
Because I’d have one too many margarita’s
And it always ends in distress
WHEN I SUGGESTED YOU NEEDED PROTECTION
When I suggested you needed protection
I wasn’t meaning you needed a condom
I was merely wondering if you happened
To have a suitable raincoat to put on
I WAS ALMOST DROWNED
I was almost drowned
Just a few miles from shore
And my life passed before my eyes
God it was a total bore
Did you ever see a lassie?
A lassie, a lassie?
I’m not sure terms of endearment
Of that kind are strictly PC
ARE YOU WEARING A DENIM SHIRT?
Are you wearing a denim shirt?
Well if I may be so bold
Whether it’s in fashion or not
You manage to make it look old
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 5
If your blind date is described to you
As “passionate and beautiful” don’t try her
Because in all probability she’ll be
A Sloppy drunk and a pathological liar
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 3
Is there anything more annoying? As when
You want to use a word but can’t spell it
And fail to look it up in the dictionary
Because you don't know how to spell it
DIETING TIP # 9
Things licked off knives and spoons,
Which can be any soupcon or delicacy,
During the process of preparation
Are absolutely devoid of calories
FOGHORN LEGHORN AND ALL HIS PALS # 2
Foghorn leghorn and all his pals
Have all chosen to assemble
Their very own chicken choir
Which is called a Hensemble
I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don’t know what to do
About all the sex, nudity,
Foul language and violence
On my DVD
CHOCOLATE BUTTONS
Chocolate buttons have always
Struck me as being rather rude
You may think it strange but
After all they’re Smartie’s in the nude
A COUPLE OF WOMEN
A couple of women
Live next door to me
One is middle-aged
And teaches PE
The other a social worker
In her mid-twenties
They go everywhere together
If you please
And I’ve never seen a man
Either enter or leave
I’m beginning to think
That they might be Lebanese
BEING FROM AN ARMY FAMILY I DREADED
Being from an army family I dreaded
Being invited to the officer’s mess
Because I’d have one too many margarita’s
And it always ends in distress
WHEN I SUGGESTED YOU NEEDED PROTECTION
When I suggested you needed protection
I wasn’t meaning you needed a condom
I was merely wondering if you happened
To have a suitable raincoat to put on
I WAS ALMOST DROWNED
I was almost drowned
Just a few miles from shore
And my life passed before my eyes
God it was a total bore
A Little Bit Of Humour # 82
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 356
Cock a doodle do!
The master's lost his fiddlestick?
And I don’t even think
I want to know what that is
ARE YOU WEARING ANYTHING TODAY?
Are you wearing anything today?
Well as I’m fond of your body type
If the answer is no, we can hang up
The phone and then we can Skype
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 4
If your blind date is described to you
As “Average looking” then look out
Because it will be worse than it sounds
And they’ll have a face like a trout
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 4
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Chuckie Eggs my dad
Used to call them
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 2
Is there anything more annoying?
Can there ever be any doubt
When you can never get anything
Back in a box the way it came out
DIETING TIP # 8
Regarding the eating of broken biscuits
I think I have a tip that might assuage
Cookie pieces contain no calories as
Breaking them causes calorie leakage
FOGHORN LEGHORN AND ALL HIS PALS # 1
Foghorn leghorn and all his pals
Are a sickly bunch of cocks
They are itchy and scratchy
And all have the people-pox
MY GRANDFATHER WAS FROM LAPLAND
My Grandfather was from Lapland
And he was a the greatest hunter I bet
And when he went to the bleak tundra
To catch Arctic hare he used a hare net
YOU CAN LIKEN WOMEN’S BREASTS
You can liken women’s breasts to a
Birthday gift of a train set, for lads
They were originally meant for kids
But who gets to play with them, Dads
I’M NOT A FUSSY EATER AND THERE ISN’T
I’m not a fussy eater and there isn’t
Much I won’t eat out of choice
But I will not eat an oyster because
It’s like licking phlegm off a tortoise
DIVIDE THE CIRCUMFERENCE
Divide the circumference
Of a Pumpkin by
Its diameter, and you
Will get Pumpkin Pi
DON’T THINK EXTRA TERRESTRIAL
Don’t think Extra Terrestrial
When this question begs
What is ET short for?
It’s because he's only got little legs
Cock a doodle do!
The master's lost his fiddlestick?
And I don’t even think
I want to know what that is
ARE YOU WEARING ANYTHING TODAY?
Are you wearing anything today?
Well as I’m fond of your body type
If the answer is no, we can hang up
The phone and then we can Skype
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 4
If your blind date is described to you
As “Average looking” then look out
Because it will be worse than it sounds
And they’ll have a face like a trout
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 4
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Chuckie Eggs my dad
Used to call them
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 2
Is there anything more annoying?
Can there ever be any doubt
When you can never get anything
Back in a box the way it came out
DIETING TIP # 8
Regarding the eating of broken biscuits
I think I have a tip that might assuage
Cookie pieces contain no calories as
Breaking them causes calorie leakage
FOGHORN LEGHORN AND ALL HIS PALS # 1
Foghorn leghorn and all his pals
Are a sickly bunch of cocks
They are itchy and scratchy
And all have the people-pox
MY GRANDFATHER WAS FROM LAPLAND
My Grandfather was from Lapland
And he was a the greatest hunter I bet
And when he went to the bleak tundra
To catch Arctic hare he used a hare net
YOU CAN LIKEN WOMEN’S BREASTS
You can liken women’s breasts to a
Birthday gift of a train set, for lads
They were originally meant for kids
But who gets to play with them, Dads
I’M NOT A FUSSY EATER AND THERE ISN’T
I’m not a fussy eater and there isn’t
Much I won’t eat out of choice
But I will not eat an oyster because
It’s like licking phlegm off a tortoise
DIVIDE THE CIRCUMFERENCE
Divide the circumference
Of a Pumpkin by
Its diameter, and you
Will get Pumpkin Pi
DON’T THINK EXTRA TERRESTRIAL
Don’t think Extra Terrestrial
When this question begs
What is ET short for?
It’s because he's only got little legs
A Little Bit Of Humour # 81
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 355
Cock a doodle do!
The maid has lost her shoe,
And that’s not the only thing
She lost in barn
ARE YOU WEARING SKINNY JEANS?
Are you wearing skinny jeans?
They are a very skinny pair
But on those lovely slender legs
What else would you wear?
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 3
If your blind date is described to you
As “Well Educated” the choice is yours
It will probably be worse than it sounds
And means they had sex with all their tutors
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 3
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Cackle Berries my dad
Used to call them
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 1
Is there anything more annoying?
Is anything quite as wrong?
As the DJ on the radio
Not telling you who sang the song
SUPERMARKET BLUES # 2
You know it really gets me down
As you wait patiently in the queue
Waiting in line at the supermarket
And the line of People behind you
When as another checkout opens up
They suddenly dash ahead of you
To the newly opened checkout
And you’re at the back of your queue
And all those impatient shoppers
Get served and finished before you
DIETING TIP # 7
This is a sure fire way of slimming down
As dieting tips go it’s an absolute winner
If you make sure you associate with the obese
You will automatically look thinner
FOGHORN LEGHORN HAD A GIRLFRIEND
Foghorn Leghorn had a girlfriend
And her name was feathery Beth
But her feather all pointed the wrong way
And she tickled herself to death
I’M SITTING IN MY STUDY READING
I’m sitting in my study reading
Wearing my dressing gown
It’s a book about anti-gravity
It's impossible to put down
I DON’T LIKE LACE-UP SHOES
I don’t like lace-up shoes
And slip-ons aren’t so hot
That just leaves Velcro
So I figured why knot?
SNOWFLAKES MUST NEVER BE
Snowflakes must never be
Caught in your open mouth
Until you’re sure that all
The birds have flown south
Cock a doodle do!
The maid has lost her shoe,
And that’s not the only thing
She lost in barn
ARE YOU WEARING SKINNY JEANS?
Are you wearing skinny jeans?
They are a very skinny pair
But on those lovely slender legs
What else would you wear?
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 3
If your blind date is described to you
As “Well Educated” the choice is yours
It will probably be worse than it sounds
And means they had sex with all their tutors
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 3
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Cackle Berries my dad
Used to call them
LIFE’S VEXATIONS # 1
Is there anything more annoying?
Is anything quite as wrong?
As the DJ on the radio
Not telling you who sang the song
SUPERMARKET BLUES # 2
You know it really gets me down
As you wait patiently in the queue
Waiting in line at the supermarket
And the line of People behind you
When as another checkout opens up
They suddenly dash ahead of you
To the newly opened checkout
And you’re at the back of your queue
And all those impatient shoppers
Get served and finished before you
DIETING TIP # 7
This is a sure fire way of slimming down
As dieting tips go it’s an absolute winner
If you make sure you associate with the obese
You will automatically look thinner
FOGHORN LEGHORN HAD A GIRLFRIEND
Foghorn Leghorn had a girlfriend
And her name was feathery Beth
But her feather all pointed the wrong way
And she tickled herself to death
I’M SITTING IN MY STUDY READING
I’m sitting in my study reading
Wearing my dressing gown
It’s a book about anti-gravity
It's impossible to put down
I DON’T LIKE LACE-UP SHOES
I don’t like lace-up shoes
And slip-ons aren’t so hot
That just leaves Velcro
So I figured why knot?
SNOWFLAKES MUST NEVER BE
Snowflakes must never be
Caught in your open mouth
Until you’re sure that all
The birds have flown south
A Little Bit Of Humour # 80
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 354
Bye, baby Bunting,
Daddy’s gone a-hunting,
Well he’s gone to the meat counter
At the local Sainsbury’s
ARE YOU WEARING FAIRY DUST?
Are you wearing fairy dust?
If you’re a fairy it really is a must
But the one thing I cannot tell
Are you the one called Tinkerbelle?
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 2
If your blind date is described to you
As an “Adventurer” then it depends
But it’s probably worse than it sounds
And they’ll have sex with all your friends
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 2
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Hen Fruits my dad
Used to call them
POPPY DOUBTED HER HUSBAND’S FIDELITY # 2
Poppy doubted her husband’s fidelity
And confronted him about it in vain
He flat out denied having fooled around
But added it would never happen again
WHAT DO PENSIONERS?
What do pensioners?
Consider long lunches to be?
Perfectly normal I think
At least as far as I can see
AT ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF AGE SHE WAS ASKED
At one hundred years of age she was asked
At her age what thing gave her the most pleasure?
She thought for a moment before she replied
The most satisfying thing was “No peer pressure”
WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?
Why do you look bemused?
It’s just our point of view
But sometimes we are not
Thinking about you
PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG
Please don’t get me wrong
It’s not that I’m a prude
And under the right circumstances
I quite like being rude
But at the end of the day
I just find Keith Lemon crude
MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR
My wife went to the beauty parlour
And had a mudpack applied
Which improved her appearance
Until it fell off and she cried
THE JURY FOREMAN CLEARLY ANNOUNCED
The jury foreman clearly announced
To the court "Not guilty of robbery"
The defendant asked his solicitor
"Does that mean I can keep the money?"
SUPERMARKET BLUES # 1
You know it really gets me down
As you wait patiently in the queue
And some numpty shopper behind
Runs his trolley into the back of you
Bye, baby Bunting,
Daddy’s gone a-hunting,
Well he’s gone to the meat counter
At the local Sainsbury’s
ARE YOU WEARING FAIRY DUST?
Are you wearing fairy dust?
If you’re a fairy it really is a must
But the one thing I cannot tell
Are you the one called Tinkerbelle?
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 2
If your blind date is described to you
As an “Adventurer” then it depends
But it’s probably worse than it sounds
And they’ll have sex with all your friends
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 2
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Hen Fruits my dad
Used to call them
POPPY DOUBTED HER HUSBAND’S FIDELITY # 2
Poppy doubted her husband’s fidelity
And confronted him about it in vain
He flat out denied having fooled around
But added it would never happen again
WHAT DO PENSIONERS?
What do pensioners?
Consider long lunches to be?
Perfectly normal I think
At least as far as I can see
AT ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF AGE SHE WAS ASKED
At one hundred years of age she was asked
At her age what thing gave her the most pleasure?
She thought for a moment before she replied
The most satisfying thing was “No peer pressure”
WHY DO YOU LOOK BEMUSED?
Why do you look bemused?
It’s just our point of view
But sometimes we are not
Thinking about you
PLEASE DON’T GET ME WRONG
Please don’t get me wrong
It’s not that I’m a prude
And under the right circumstances
I quite like being rude
But at the end of the day
I just find Keith Lemon crude
MY WIFE WENT TO THE BEAUTY PARLOUR
My wife went to the beauty parlour
And had a mudpack applied
Which improved her appearance
Until it fell off and she cried
THE JURY FOREMAN CLEARLY ANNOUNCED
The jury foreman clearly announced
To the court "Not guilty of robbery"
The defendant asked his solicitor
"Does that mean I can keep the money?"
SUPERMARKET BLUES # 1
You know it really gets me down
As you wait patiently in the queue
And some numpty shopper behind
Runs his trolley into the back of you
A Little Bit Of Humour # 79
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 353
Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Sailing away consume with glee
To escape the Child Support Agency
ARE YOU WEARING A CONFUSED EXPRESSION?
Are you wearing a confused expression?
Why is it beyond you comprehension?
That “Yes” and “No” are quite acceptable
Answers to almost every question
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 1
If your blind date is described to you
As “Thoughtful” it’s not the best start
As their thoughtfulness will only extend
To saying "Excuse me" when they fart
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 1
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Boneless chickens
My dad used to call them
POPPY DOUBTED HER HUSBAND’S FIDELITY # 1
Poppy doubted her husband’s fidelity
And always subjected him to a quiz
Afterwards she was left wondering
If the baby she was carrying was his
WHY CAN'T ORPHANS PLAY BASEBALL?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
At the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome?
Well they say it’s nothing personal
It’s just that they can't find home
APPLE ARE GOING TO MAKE A CAR
Apple are going to make a car
But the one thing nobody knows
Is whether or not the iCar
Is going to have Windows
HAVING SEX IN AN ELEVATOR?
Having sex in an elevator?
Those dirty little devils
That kind of behaviour
Is wrong on so many levels
NEW BABIES ARE DELIVERED BY STORK?
New babies are delivered by stork?
Not that old chestnut again
Small babies may arrive by stork
But the big ones need a crane
WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE BATHROOM
When you walk into the bathroom
You’re American
When you walk out of the bathroom
You’re American
But while you are in the bathroom
European
ARE YOU WEARING A SWEATER VEST?
Are you wearing a sweater vest?
Are you doing some kind of test?
Checking how observant people are
And see who notices this faux pas
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 341
Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy’s in the well.
Who put it in?
I did, because
It’s the neighbourhood bully
Bobby Shafto's gone to sea
Sailing away consume with glee
To escape the Child Support Agency
ARE YOU WEARING A CONFUSED EXPRESSION?
Are you wearing a confused expression?
Why is it beyond you comprehension?
That “Yes” and “No” are quite acceptable
Answers to almost every question
IF YOUR BLIND DATE IS DESCRIBED TO YOU # 1
If your blind date is described to you
As “Thoughtful” it’s not the best start
As their thoughtfulness will only extend
To saying "Excuse me" when they fart
WE HAVE LOVED EGGS # 1
We have loved eggs
Since we were children
Boneless chickens
My dad used to call them
POPPY DOUBTED HER HUSBAND’S FIDELITY # 1
Poppy doubted her husband’s fidelity
And always subjected him to a quiz
Afterwards she was left wondering
If the baby she was carrying was his
WHY CAN'T ORPHANS PLAY BASEBALL?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
At the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome?
Well they say it’s nothing personal
It’s just that they can't find home
APPLE ARE GOING TO MAKE A CAR
Apple are going to make a car
But the one thing nobody knows
Is whether or not the iCar
Is going to have Windows
HAVING SEX IN AN ELEVATOR?
Having sex in an elevator?
Those dirty little devils
That kind of behaviour
Is wrong on so many levels
NEW BABIES ARE DELIVERED BY STORK?
New babies are delivered by stork?
Not that old chestnut again
Small babies may arrive by stork
But the big ones need a crane
WHEN YOU WALK INTO THE BATHROOM
When you walk into the bathroom
You’re American
When you walk out of the bathroom
You’re American
But while you are in the bathroom
European
ARE YOU WEARING A SWEATER VEST?
Are you wearing a sweater vest?
Are you doing some kind of test?
Checking how observant people are
And see who notices this faux pas
21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 341
Ding, dong, bell,
Pussy’s in the well.
Who put it in?
I did, because
It’s the neighbourhood bully
Saturday, 31 January 2015
Candlemas Weekend
IMBOLC
Imbolc, on February 1st
Is one of the four
Gaelic seasonal festivals
Imbolc marks
The beginning of spring
And the end winter.
Celebrated with feasting,
The making of Brighid's crosses,
The holy wells are visited,
And divination begins
SAINT BRIGIT OF KILDARE
Saint Brigit of Kildare
Or Brigid of Ireland
Also known as Mary of the Gael
Is one of Ireland's patron Saints
Along with Patrick and Columba
Her mother was Brocca
A Christian Pict and slave,
Baptised by Saint Patrick
Brigid herself was born into slavery
But it was clear she was holy
An became an early Christian nun
When she became Abbess,
She founded Kildare monastery
The Church of the Oak,
On the site of an old pagan shrine
To the Celtic goddess Brigid
Feast day 1st February
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL
On Groundhog Day
In Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
Punxsutawney Phil
Incites Groundhog mania
Thousands watch to see
If he will see his shadow
For if he does winter remains
And he goes back below
GROUNDHOG DAY
If it is cloudy when he emerges
Then winter will soon go
But if he finds it sunny
He quickly returns below
ON CANDLEMAS DAY
The winter will not come again
If Candlemas day has cloud or rain
But if the day is bathed in sun
Then the spring hasn’t yet begun
FERSOMMLINGE
Fersommlinge is a feast
Celebrated on Candlemas day
In south-eastern Pennsylvania
In the “Fancy Dutch” way
Where in the Groundhog Lodges
Traditional foods are served
In their typically sociable way
Speeches are made and to entertain
They perform g'spiel skits and plays
But only Pennsylvania Dutch is spoken
So for English there’s a penalty to pay
CALL IT WHAT YOU LIKE
Jour de la Marmotte
As the French Canadians say
Grundsaudaag or Murmeltiertag
Is the Pennsylvania German way
But for the rest of us
We just call it Groundhog Day
Imbolc, on February 1st
Is one of the four
Gaelic seasonal festivals
Imbolc marks
The beginning of spring
And the end winter.
Celebrated with feasting,
The making of Brighid's crosses,
The holy wells are visited,
And divination begins
SAINT BRIGIT OF KILDARE
Saint Brigit of Kildare
Or Brigid of Ireland
Also known as Mary of the Gael
Is one of Ireland's patron Saints
Along with Patrick and Columba
Her mother was Brocca
A Christian Pict and slave,
Baptised by Saint Patrick
Brigid herself was born into slavery
But it was clear she was holy
An became an early Christian nun
When she became Abbess,
She founded Kildare monastery
The Church of the Oak,
On the site of an old pagan shrine
To the Celtic goddess Brigid
Feast day 1st February
PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL
On Groundhog Day
In Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania
Punxsutawney Phil
Incites Groundhog mania
Thousands watch to see
If he will see his shadow
For if he does winter remains
And he goes back below
GROUNDHOG DAY
If it is cloudy when he emerges
Then winter will soon go
But if he finds it sunny
He quickly returns below
ON CANDLEMAS DAY
The winter will not come again
If Candlemas day has cloud or rain
But if the day is bathed in sun
Then the spring hasn’t yet begun
FERSOMMLINGE
Fersommlinge is a feast
Celebrated on Candlemas day
In south-eastern Pennsylvania
In the “Fancy Dutch” way
Where in the Groundhog Lodges
Traditional foods are served
In their typically sociable way
Speeches are made and to entertain
They perform g'spiel skits and plays
But only Pennsylvania Dutch is spoken
So for English there’s a penalty to pay
CALL IT WHAT YOU LIKE
Jour de la Marmotte
As the French Canadians say
Grundsaudaag or Murmeltiertag
Is the Pennsylvania German way
But for the rest of us
We just call it Groundhog Day
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