YOU HAD ME LOVING YOU

You had me loving you from day one
And I had you loving me when it begun
But somewhere along the way
Your cheating heart decided to stray
You had me loving you totally
And I thought I had you loving me
But now your heart resides elsewhere
And you have left me in utter despair
You are still the one that I adore
But you don’t love me anymore
You still have me loving you totally
But I no longer have you loving me

A Little bit Of Humour

ABBREVIATED IRONY
I have often thought it ironic
If not positively absurd
That the term, abbreviated
Is an eleven letter word

THE EXORCIST

There is a ghost in my house
A poltergeist in nature
And I am determined to see
Its imminent departure

I have secured the services
Of an expert of eminence
An exorcist of renown
To un-haunt my residence

He is not a cheap solution
To my poltergeist problem
But the spirit has to go
Before I end up in an asylum

But the price must be met
This was sternly stressed
For if I default on the fee
The house will be repossessed

THE ABSENT MINDED OCTOGENARIAN

An octogenarian visited his doctor
'I think I'm getting senile” he said
The doctor replied “I don’t think you are senile
Let’s look for a different diagnosis instead”
“But I keep forgetting to do up my fly”
The old man said “After I’ve been for a pee”
The doctor smiled and then replied
“Not opening your fly before you start, that’s senility”

Ooh Err

GLORY OF THE DAWN

Oh to awake at dawn
Awaking with the horn
To sport a morning glory
Was highly satisfactory
A magnificent early riser
With which to surprise her
But alas that was in my youth
And to tell the honest truth
Now my poor dormant muscle
Can barely raise a chuckle

THE CALL OF THE WILD

Not pampered or preened
Nor sculptured or shaped
Not tidied or groomed
Nor shaven or scraped
For neat and manicured
Well, nothing could be fouler
For we like it as nature intended
An untamed hairy growler
No French landing strips
Or Brazilian styled
Just wild and untamed bush
Because we like our beaver wild

DEFLATED

I used to rise at dawn
And marvel at my erection
Such a thing of beauty
So wonderful in its perfection
But those days are behind me
Its flaccid now upon inspection
And to raise it from its flaccidity
I must consume some blue confection
And thus perform a miracle rising
Akin to the resurrection

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 155

Pat a cake, Pat a cake, Bakers man
Bake me a cake as fast as you can;
Full of E numbers and artificial flavouring
Then microwave it until the oven pings

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 156

Tom, Tom of Islington,
Married a wife on Sunday,
And that’s all I will tell
Because to be honest it doesn’t end well

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 157

Three wise men of Gotham
Went to sea in a bowl:
Their wisdom was a misconception
They died and that’s natural selection

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 158

There was a little man
Who wooed a little honey;
and she was wooed and wooed and wooed
But not as wude as he

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 159

"Broken chairs to mend"
"Broken chairs to mend"
If I'd not gone to Argos
With money to spend,
I never would cry
"Broken chairs to mend"

THE SHADOW OF GOLGOTHA

Our lord beaten and bloody
Must die like a criminal
To add insult upon injury
Atop his tousled curls
Was set a thorny crown
Pressed into his scalp
He carried his cross
Upon his bloodied back
Through narrow streets
To the baying of the crowds
Then onto the hill of Calvary
Where the prince of peace
Was nailed to his cross of pain
And dealt the final blow
His side pierced by a spear
His earthly life ebbing away
Through the open wound
He called out to God
But not for vengeance
He asked that they be forgiven
And his cross of pain
Cast a Holy shadow
Across the world
That reached every corner
But the shadow cast
Was not one of darkness
But one of light
A divine light
The light of love
Which still shines today
For it is the eternal light of God

THE ANNUAL BIRTHDAY BBQ BASH 2010

Don’t the years go quick?
It’s another birthday BBQ
It’s that time of year again
When acquaintance is renewed

When family and friends
Come affably together
To eat a hearty meal outdoors
And sod the English weather

The beer and wine is chilled
The buffet has been prepared
The BBQ is well alight
No planning has been spared

So everything is set fair
Most of the guests are here
But never wanting to be the first
Ted and Rene are last to appear

So a brace of Ted’s, a pair of Paul’s
Tina and Becky, Rosemary and Rene
Not to forget Gordon and Wendy
Were all assembled at the scene

I should also mention the children
As they are part of the family
But we kept them locked away
And they were forgotten easily

We sat in the quiet shade
Beneath the big gazebo
Erected against the expected rain
That thankfully failed to show

At last its time to eat
And excitement is running high
As everyone stood up
Tina poked Rosemary in the eye

And what did the assailant do
When seeing the result of this act
Was she humbly apologetic?
No, she laughed out loud in fact

Then suddenly a disaster occurred
Unrivalled at any previous year
And the nature of this calamity
We were running out of beer
So a quick dash out in the car
To the “Happy Shopper” store
And hopefully unnoticed
Return to home once more

I returned and an eerie hush descended
Silencing the function
But nothing sinister occurred
It was simply quiet consumption

When the pudding plates were empty
And glasses were refreshed
The dishwasher could be heard
Washing away the mess

The afternoon passed nicely by
In comfortable affability
With moments of silliness
And not a small amount of frivolity

Tina with hand outstretched
With a ruby ring on her finger
Like the time of her engagement
“Oh look see the light linger”

As usual on these occasions
The cat got all the attention
Not the birthday boy and BBQ chef
I just thought that I would mention

And when enough alcohol was drunk
Tea and coffee arrived instead
Not that anyone got smashed
Only a glass, and that was Ted

There were uninvited guests
Flies and wasps descended
But traps were set for the Jaspers
And one got decapitated

All too soon the time had come
For folk to wend their way
And fond fairwells were said
Until we meet on another day

Then came the time to draw a breath
And reflect on the festivity
Then open another can of beer
And say happy birthday to ME

A TOUCH OF LOVE

I HAVE LOST MY HEART

I have lost my heart
And you are now its keeper
With each moment that passes
My love for you grows deeper

Will you treasure my heart?
Are you worthy of its keeping?
Or will this infatuation
End with my heart weeping

OUR LOVE IS

Like the last leaves of autumn
Scattered to the four winds
Our love is drifting away

Like a desert river
Long run dry
Our love is desiccated

Like the winter landscape
Stark and bare
Our love is Barron

OUR LOVE WAS GONE

Like the cherry blossom
That once adorned the trees
Our love bloomed
But that was before the spring rain fell
And the winds blew in
Scattering what once was beauty
And with each petal torn from the bough
A bitter tear was shed
As each piece was carried on the wind
A word of accusation followed
And when the last petal was set free
Then our love was gone

LIKE THE WINTER TREES

Like the winter trees
Left stripped bare
By the autumn gales
Such is our marriage
Our love was once that leafy canopy
Which sheltered and nurtured
But it slowly change in hue
Then it dried up and blew away
On the winds of change
Until our love was no more

TREASURE BEYOND PRICE

If you find love
Treasure it
Don’t be a fool
And waste it
Bottle it and keep it safe
Make it last forever
When you find love
Never let it go

WITHOUT YOU

Without you
I am empty
I miss you
When you’re not with me

Without you
I’m incomplete
But when we’re together
I am Replete

Without you
I am tragic
But together
We can do magic

I COULD HAVE

If we had our time over
What could I have done better?
I could have talked to you more
I should have listened to you more
I could have spent more time with you
I could have thought more about you
I could have been more understanding
I could have been more forgiving
I could have said I love you more often
I could have held your hand more often
I could have loved you better I’m sure
But I could not have loved you more

MY HEART SKIPS A BEAT

My heart skips a beat
I have dancing feet
You have me in a spin
You make my head swim
My stomach is in knots
My eyes are seeing spots
You make my heart beat fast
Oh I’m in love at last
Yes its love without a doubt
I had better ask you out