THE PERFECT GIFT

If as a man you feel in life
You don’t provide your wife
With enough frustration to suit her
Then purchase her a home computer

BEFORE COMPUTERS TOOK OVER THE WORLD

Before computers took over the world
A virus was the flu, and a keyboard was a piano
A mouse pad was where a single mouse lived
And a CD was a bank account and a program was a TV show
The net was something you fished with
A monitor would report you to the teacher
An application was a form to be filled out
And Windows were opened to get fresh air
A hard drive was a long trip in the car
A web was a spider’s home, a cursor used profanity
Memory was something you lost with age
And if you had a 3 ½ inch floppy you’d tell nobody

HAIR CARE FOR MEN

The great thing about being a man
Is you can have the same hairstyle for years
And waking in the morning with a mustache
Doesn’t make you burst into tears
But perhaps the best thing of all
You only have to shave your facial hairs

FURTHER BLONDES

One night
Bimbette asked her friend
"Which do you think is farther
Florida or the moon?"
Peaches replied
"Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida?"

AGES OF MAN

You were once a good boy
Mummy’s pride and joy
Then you grew into a nice kid
Because of the things you did
Then you progressed to be a great guy
It just happened you don’t know why
Then you arrived and were a fine man
Just in time for your retirement plan
And if only that was the end of it
But no you grew into an old git

HARRY, LARRY AND BARRY

Three old friends walking from
The old folks retirement home
"Windy, isn't it?" said Harry
"No, it's Thursday!" said Larry
Then Barry said with a cheer
"So am I let's get a beer"

OFFSPRING

A woman knows all about her children
She knows their likes and dislikes,
Who their friends are and who they fancy
There illness’s, ailments and allergies

She knows the dates of all their matches
Drop off and pick up, Home and away
She knows about appointments for hospital
As well as Doctor, optical and dental

She know about their favourite foods
And the things that make them sick
She know what scares them and why
And what makes them laugh and cry

She knows all about their hopes and dreams
And what they may look for in a spouse
While a man on the other hand, is vaguely aware
Of some short people living in the house