BUTTIES AND BAPS

 

I was in Basingstoke a few months ago for a job interview and I found myself with a little time to kill.

It is in my nature that when going to a place for the first time to allow plenty of time in the event of some unforeseen happening.

I don’t like being late especially for appointments and as a result I am invariably at least forty-five minutes early, Hence the necessity to kill some time.

On this particular occasion, after scouting out my final destination, I decided to go into a local café, “Butties and Baps”, only five minutes away from the company I had the interview with, and I ordered a coffee and a Danish and sat down to read my paper. It was a little after 10 o’clock in the morning so the café was very quiet in fact there was only one other customer and he was draining his cup. But almost as soon as my fellow customer put his cup down the door opened and in walked an elderly gentleman who made his way sprightly to the counter. He exchanges pleasantries with the well-endowed woman behind the counter who due to her physique I assumed must be “Baps” and I could only imagine what “Butties” looked like.

Anyway, the old Gent unaware of my thoughts proceeded to order a mug of tea with six sugars, “Six sugars?” Baps replied, “You’ll rot your teeth”.

The man stiffened immediately “Listen to me young lady” he said loudly and indignantly, this must have been quite flattering to her as in my opinion she would not see fifty again, “I’m 77 years old, I have never been to a dentist and furthermore I still have all my own teeth” and with this he turned smartly on his heels and marched back out the door.

Baps just stood stock still and speechless with her mouth open, teapot still in hand and pouring into an overflowing mug.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “What he didn’t tell you was that he keeps them in an old tobacco tin, he’s probably gone home to get them so he can have a bun with his mug of tea”.