A Little Bit Of Humour # 119

WHY DID THE BACHELOR CROSS THE ROAD?

Why did the bachelor cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid finding a bride

GARDENING RULE

If you can’t tell the difference
Between a plant and weed
Then learn by pulling one up
That’s the best way to proceed
And if it comes out quite easily
Then the other one is the weed

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 369

Oh, the grand old Duke of York
He had ten thousand men
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.
But when they were not up nor down
The grand old Duke forgot they were there
But that was an occupational hazard
As he had early onset dementia

THE PLURAL OF MAN

So if it is correct that
The plural of man is men
Then why is the plural of pan,
Pans and not pen

IT IS A SAD FACT OF LIFE THAT IS # 2

It is a sad fact of life that is
Inherently unfair
If there are four ways
In which a thing can go wrong
A fifth way will occur

IF LAWYERS CAN BE DISBARRED # 1

If Lawyers can be disbarred
then will fishermen be debated?
Will magicians be disillusioned?
And politicians denominated?

FOR THE BARGAIN PRICE OF A FIRST CLASS STAMP

For the bargain price of a first class stamp
You can trust a letter to the post master
But it won’t be delivered the next day
And second class won’t arrive the day after

MY GRANDFATHER WAS A BIT DEAF

My Grandfather was a bit deaf
He couldn’t hear with clarity
When Neville Chamberlain
Declared our common enemy
He thought that England had
Declared war on Jeremy

SENTIMENTALITY

The man lived with a wife
Who was overly sentimental
And after many years of marriage
It finally sent him mental

MY YOUNG SON JUSTIN WAS KNOCKED OUT

My young son Justin was knocked out
Of the latest school’s spelling bee bout
Armageddon was the word that did it
But hey it’s not the end of the world is it

ARE YOU WEARING MORMON GARMENTS?

Are you wearing Mormon garments?
The ones like cool white milk
Are they supposed to be sacred?
Or something of that ilk
Or to preserve your modesty
In sensual soft shimmering silk

ALL ABOUT RACIST SEAFOOD

I saw something shocking
On one of those nature programs
All about racist seafood
They were the Ku Klux Clams

THE GRASS IS NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE

The grass is not greener on the other side
Of the fence, that’s what they tell me
But, what if they’re wrong about that
And you never actually take a look and see

I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE SOMEBODY

I always wanted to be somebody,
Which proved to be impolitic
Because I realize that maybe
I should have been more specific.

DYSLEXIC, AGNOSTIC, INSOMNIAC

Dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac
His traits were a catalogue
And he stayed up all night
Deciding if there really is a dog