72 Miles From The Sea

Thursday 1 June 2023

We wanted to spice up the sex,

Which, is more exciting than it sounds

As my girlfriend scratches during sex

Last night she won ten pounds

Today I caught my Girlfriend

Having a solo liaison

Using a vibrator, in absolute silence

I thought “that’s not on”

There is a premier sausage competition

And much interest in who would come first

There were very many different categories

The Best German sausage was the Wurst

I spoke to Diana Ross

Several times on the mobile

But I didn’t want her

Dyno-Rod was what I dialled

If you never went to church

But watched songs of praise

That might not be good enough

When under St Peters gaze

Our local church is raising money

For restoration to the steeple

Donors make an online payment

Using the secure system, Papal

In the eighties I used to supply

Filofaxes to the mafia at the time

I suppose you could say I was

Involved in very organised crime