I JUST SPENT SIXTEEN LONG HOURS

 

I just spent sixteen long hours,

Which is a bit of a crime,

Linking my watches into a belt

It was a waist of time

THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY

 

The most effective way,

Which might sound quirky,

To give up veganism

Is quite simply, Cold Turkey

LAST NIGHT I DREAMED ABOUT DROWNING

 

Last night I dreamed about drowning

In an ocean that was orange and fizzy

It took me a while after I woke up

To work out it was just a Fanta sea

I JUST WALKED INTO THE BEDROOM

I just walked into the bedroom,

Which was littered with crap

And tripped over my wife’s bra

I was floored by her booby trap

I’VE OPENED A NEW GYM

 

I’ve opened a new gym

Where all the trainers go

Religiously from door to door

To spread the fitness word

About joining the gym with

Jehovah’s Fitness over the door

PEOPLE ARE USUALLY SHOCKED

 

People are usually shocked

Is my full admission

When they find out

I am not a good electrician

MY WIFE TOLD ME OVER BREAKFAST

 

My wife told me over breakfast

That sex was better on holiday

It took me completely by surprise

As the postcard only arrived that day