MY SON REALLY HURT HIS ARM

 

My son really hurt his arm

The Doc said “there no harm

Done” I insisted he Humour us

And check out the Humerous

FENCED

 

Uncle John the fence, has passed away

And the news has left me feeling sorry

But I have to say it was poetic justice

Because he fell off the back of a lorry

YOUNG JIMBO

 

I got a rescue dog from Battersea

And I called the puppy, Jimbo

But he needed obedience classes

Where they walked us to and fro

 

When he needed to be at heel

Jimbo almost always ran away

Then he came bounding back

When he was meant to sit and stay

 

And when he walked on the lead

I had to pull young Jimbo back

Or he was round and round my feet

Until I ended up lying on my back

 

So we stopped going to the classes

And I have a stick for him to chase

I can forgive my Jimbo anything

When he jumps up to lick my face

PUZZLED PARTNER

 

You are 13 down

And always 2 across

You are never 1 down

And sadly not 19 across

You are six letters

Starting with a T         

You are coffee time

And an acrostic too

As well as cryptic

Let’s try 11 down

Followed by three across

Which is what the canines do

You to be 7 down

I have never known

A dictionary won’t help me

Nor a thesaurus

For like most women

You are an unsolved puzzle

THIRTEENTH SIGN OF THE ZODIAC

 

There are more than twelve signs

Of the Zodiac, and the thirteenth sign

Of the astrological year is Pyrex,

Which covers all twelve months

But which house you were born in

Has no relevance to your sign

What qualifies you is the “how”

Because to be born under Pyrex

You have to be a test tube baby

ARE YOU WEARING A CAPE?

Are you wearing a cape?

A superhero’s shoulder drape

But you’re not a caped crusader

You’re a substitute teacher

MR AND MRS COTTON-MOUTH

 

Mr and Mrs Cotton-Mouth

Were the snake undertakers

And when they got married

Gifts were Hiss and Hearse