ARE YOU WEARING A MOOB TUBE?

 

Are you wearing a moob tube?

Well, I can’t think what else it could be

Why would you be wearing a life belt?

When we’re seventy miles from the sea

GETTING ON # 9

 

I am defiantly getting old

And I am not alright with that

So, when I’m asked my age

I say I’m forty nine plus vat

WRITING JOKES FOR COMICS

 

I sit alone in a room

Writing jokes for comics

To earn my money

But on my own I wonder

If I’m the only person on the planet

Who thinks it's funny

So, riddled with self-doubt

I’m terrified of finding out

WHEN I WAS IN A WRITING TEAM

 

When I was in a writing team

We was write a gag and get a laugh

Now it’s just me and a word processor

And it's hard to make the bastard laugh

I DISCOVERED MY FAVOURITE DUCK WAS SICK # 3

 

I discovered my favourite duck was sick

Unfortunately, he had a monkey on his back

It turned out he used a multitude of drugs

But his favourite drug of choice was Quack

I THINK IT’S MISOGYNISTIC

 

I think it’s misogynistic

To use the word misogyny

I’m not being pedantic but

It should be ms-ogyny

I SAW A MARMITE TRUCK THE OTHER DAY

 

I saw a Marmite truck the other day

Driving down the motorway

And I bet my mate ten pound

That it was heading yeast bound