ARE YOU WEARING A WINCE?

 

Are you wearing a wince?

I see you’re pointing your toes

Did the nasty aliens forget

To remove your anal probe?"

GETTING ON # 5

 

You know you have reached old age

When name badges are obligatory

At any and all family gatherings,

Sunday Lunch and holidays especially

MY DOG ATE ALL THE SCRABBLE TILES

 

My dog ate all the Scrabble tiles

When they were spilt on the mat

And for days he kept leaving

Little messages around the flat

I GOOGLED MY SYMPTOMS

 

I Googled my symptoms

As I had an irritated eye

And found Conjunctivitis.com

That’s a site for sore eyes

THE HEART OF A LION

 

My granddad has

The heart of a Lion

And a lifetime ban

From Woburn

GETTING ON # 2

 

You are getting old when

Financial crises don’t drive you to tears

For the simple reason your hairline

Has been in recession for years

MY DOCTOR TOLD ME TO DO SOMETHING

 

My doctor told me to do something

That leaves me breathless

So, I’ve started smoking again

Now I’m breathless and stressless