SEX AT SIXTY IS ALL VERY WELL

 

Sex at sixty is all very well

But it’s a bit do or die

Slowing down is better

And pulling into a lay-by

I ONCE KNEW A GIRL CALLED JO # 3

 

I once knew a girl called Jo

I knew as Jo with the flat chest

Who had nothing inside her vest

But I was still blessed

For she had other attributes

ARE YOU WEARING A BICORN HAT?

 

Are you wearing a bicorn hat?

With red, white and blue on

I hope you’re going to a party

And you don’t think you’re Wellington

ALCOHOLIC CHEESE # 1

 

If a cheese is tempted to drink

Too much, it should not

Because if it does succumb

It is at risk of Livarot

IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

In the English language,

In my view

The longest sentence

Is clearly, I do 

THE ABSENT GIFT

 

The man explained why he hadn’t

Got his wife a gift for her birthday

The previous year he bought her

The nice plot in the cemetery

That she had requested, and she

Hadn’t used it, and he was unhappy

AFTER GETTING HOME LATE ONE NIGHT

 

After getting home late one night, very drunk,

He sees something that will forever scar his brain

And the consequence of seeing two of his wife

He quit drinking so he wouldn’t see that again