I’M A SCARECROW AND I WON FIRST PRIZE

 

I’m a scarecrow and I won first prize

When my victory was revealed

By the judges at the county show

They said I was outstanding in my field

I’M A SCARECROW AND IT WAS SAID TO ME

 

I’m a scarecrow and it was said to me

That I was the best they’d ever seen

I have to say that I was very flattered

At the compliment but hay, it’s in my jeans

SHELLFISH GENERALLY ARE INDUSTRIOUS CREATURES

 

Shellfish generally are industrious creatures

Which is why on the whole crustaceans prosper

But some of their kind are lazy and sloth like

One won’t lift a claw, and that’s the Slobster!

ROSES ARE BEIGE, VIOLETS ARE BLACK

 

Roses are beige, violets are black

When do all the colours come back

Oh my I’m such a confused bloke

Am I colourblind or having a stroke

ARE YOU WEARING A LOOK OF DISAPPOINTMENT?

Are you wearing a look of disappointment?

Well I think you’re guilty of Lily gilding

Because at your age using Viagra is like

Putting a new flagpole on a condemned building 

ACURATELY DEFINING BIGAMY

 

Having one wife too many

Accurately defines bigamy

But having said that, in my case

So does monogamy

MY WIFE BOUGHT ME A QUILTED COAT

 

My wife bought me a quilted coat

Which I avoid wearing whenever I can

And that’s simply because it makes me

Look like a deflated Michelin man