I BORROWED TO PAY AN EXORCIST

 

I borrowed to pay an exorcist

Is my shameful confession

But if I don't repay the loan

I’m worried about repossession

MY LAST GIRLFRIEND TREATED ME

 

My last girlfriend treated me

Like a piece of meat

That’s because she was a Vegan

And refused to touch me

ARE YOU WEARING LENSES?

 

Are you wearing lenses?

To hide your sensual eyes

They don’t make you more

Beautiful, it’s just disguise

PICKUP # 20

 

When you’re on the pull

If you want to break the ice

Say something funny

Or say something nice

Be devastatingly witty

Or say something clever

Be complimentary

Or just lie in your endeavour

“Hey I'm no photographer”

You can say to her

“But I think I can definitely

Picture us together”

PUT DOWN # 65

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he says “hey a thought just crossed my mind”

Give him a measured look and say

“So, a thought crossed your mind?

Well it must have been a long and lonely journey”.

THERE ARE MANY PIT FALLS

 

There are many pit falls

In the relationships game

Take same-sex marriage

Where sex is always the same

I HAVE AN UNUSUAL PHOBIA

 

I have an unusual phobia

Which people find strange

I hate new minted coins

But then I dislike all change