ARE YOU WEARING SLACKS? # 1

 

Are you wearing slacks?

Oh I hate to call them that

They’re only trousers really

Unless you’re a pretentious twat

I AM DOUBLY HANDICAPPED

 

I am doubly handicapped

Which has scuppered my plans

I am illiterate and ambidextrous

So I can’t write with both hands

THE GIRL IN THE CRINOLINE GOWN

 

The girl in the crinoline gown

Danced like in a dream

While moving in unfashionable

Circles it would seem

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

 

Don’t talk to me about

Fifty shades of grey

I’m at the care home

Vagazaling grannies everyday

YOU’RE NEXT

 

If it annoys you when old people

Point at you during someone’s nuptials

And say “you’re next” just start doing

The same thing to them at funerals

HIGHER EDUCATION IS A WONDERFUL THING

 

Higher education is a wonderful thing

But achieving it is not without expense

And the downside to higher education

Has been the demise of common sense

 

But high IQ’s and University degrees

Don’t stop them doing something stupid

Or being repeat offenders at stupidity

Whereas common sense always did

WITH OR WITHOUT HER

 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t live with her

That caused him to doubt

It was just that he wanted someone

He couldn’t live without