THE LAMB AND PUP

 

I walked into my local

“The Lamb and Pup”

The landlord said “Bitter?”

I replied “No just fed up”

A 16 YEAR OLD LAD

 

A 16 year old lad asked the barmaid for a drink

“I can’t sell you booze to quench your thirst”

She replied “Do you want to get me in trouble”

The lad smiled and said “Can I have a beer first”

WE CALL MY AUNT BETH THE EXORCIST

 

We call my aunt Beth the exorcist

Its cruel but we can’t resist

It’s because whenever she gets near

All the spirits disappear

BARBARA WINDSOR WENT INTO A PUB

 

Barbara Windsor went into a pub

After the days filming was done

And ordered a double entendre

So, the barman gave her one

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 392

 

Wednesday's child

Is full of woe,

(And that’s what you get for

drinking on a school night)

ARE YOU WEARING CONTACT LENSES?

 

Are you wearing contact lenses?

In your “mince pies”

Because they shine

At night like cats eyes

MY COOKIE LAMENT

 

Oh, what a pleasure they represent

Such sinful pleasure I’ll not repent

Whether foreign fare of strange accent

Or posh ones made for lady and gent

Or those down the bargain basement

Even with broken ones I am content

But I must cease those moments spent

Devouring the cookies heaven sent

And sing loud my sad cookie lament

Of a man left alone in his torment

For as the treat that they represent

I have given cookies up for lent