I’ve always thought
The word overused
But Victoria Wood
Really was a genius.
But there is darkness
Where once a light
shone
The bright light
Of an enduring star
Which is now
extinguished.
But not in our hearts
For there she burns
still
As her laughter always
will
If I have to pick just one Gem
From her creative
canon
Then “The Ballad of
Barry and Freda”
Would have to be the
one
The pace and delivery
of wit
Hits you like a comic
volley
Like “Bend me over
backwards
On me Hostess trolley”
Great Humour filled
lines
Delivered oh so
sleekly
Like “Beat me on the
bottom
With a Woman’s weekly”
Or “Come and melt the
buttons
On me flameproof
nightie”
I can picture her
singing it
To St P and God
almighty
For the bargain price of a first-class stamp
You can trust a letter
to the post master.
But it won’t be delivered
the next day
And second class won’t
arrive the day after
One, two, buckle my shoe
Three, four, open the
door
Five, six, cocktail
sticks
Seven, eight, in a bit
of a state
Nine, ten, pissed
again
We requested a twin bed room
But we ended up with a
king size
As a result, my wife
is pregnant
So that was a nice
holiday surprise
Why did the bachelor cross the road?
Well not just to get to the other side
The reason he wanted to cross over
Was so he could avoid finding a bride
Are you wearing a chapeau?
That’s the French for
hat you know?
Well, you look quite
sweet I must say
Though I’m not a huge
fan of the beret
And the rather limp
looking overcoat
It isn’t really what
you’d call haute
But I need to find a
condom dispenser
Because I have a thing
for Frank Spencer
