I CAN’T PLAY MY INSTRUMENT

 

I can’t play my instrument

We were mismatched

So, I am selling my guitar

No strings attached

I WENT AWAY TO A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY

 

I went away to a third world country in secret

Because I knew the British doctors would scoff

So, I went ahead and had a cheap circumcision

But although it was a lot cheaper it was a rip off

I LOVE THE HUMAN BODY

I love the human body though some

Bits more than others I must confess

And I thank God for nipples, as without

Them breasts would be pointless

I COULDN’T QUITE REMEMBER HOW

 

I couldn’t quite remember how

To throw a boomerang now

But then eventually

It came back to me

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 282

 

Four and Twenty tailors

Went to kill a snail;

But natural England

Had them sent to jail

ARE YOU WEARING A SANTA OUTFIT?

 

Are you wearing a Santa outfit?

Does it come with all the kit?

The boots and beard and hat

And padding to make you look fat

I didn’t believe in Santa anymore

Now I see you and I think phwor

I REALLY ENJOYED OUR DATE

 

I really enjoyed our date

I’m so glad that you rang

It was a brilliant Guy Fawkes

Night that ended with a bang