HORSE MEAT BURGERS

Horse meat burgers

Are healthier by far

They’re lower in fat

But high in Shergar

IN WHICH DIRECTION WILL THE SUN RISE TODAY

 

“In which direction will the sun rise today?”

At first her question was met with silence

But he explained it always rose in the east

She said “I can’t keep up with all that science”

MY GIRLFRIEND GOT SUNBURNT

 

My girlfriend got sunburnt

I asked why she didn’t use lotion

She thought she was safe

If her convertible was in motion

AS I'VE GROWN OLDER

 

As I've grown older

I don't question

Myself anymore

I’ve learned to accept

Things about me,

My own shortcomings,

I’ve forgiven myself

I don’t second guess

Or criticize

I even like myself

Like a friend

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 223

 

Little Nancy Etticote,

In a white petticoat,

And long knickers;

She said she’d show him

For a bite of his Snickers

ARE YOU WEARING A MUDPACK?

 

Are you wearing a mudpack?

I’m sorry I don’t mean to scoff

I’m sure it makes you more attractive

Right up until you take it off

PUT DOWN # 57

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

If he starts spinning you a line

Just say when he is driving you mental

"Any connection between your reality

And mine is purely coincidental”