I CHATTED TO A GIRL IN THE PUB

I chatted to a girl in the pub

And suspecting her gullibility

I proceeded to proudly boast

About my special ability

 

“I can divine when a woman

Was born, to the very day

Just by feeling her breasts

It’s as simple as child’s play”

 

"Really? Is that really true?"

She said “or is it just a lie

Just so you can feel my tits 

But go on then give it a try"

 

So I had a good fondle

And thought she is so dumb

And I teased her nipples

Till they were as fat as my thumb

 

But she started to get impatient

And I heard her say

"Come on then, what day was I born"?

I replied, “it was yesterday"

SAME SEX MARRIAGE

 

There’s a lot of discussion at the moment

About “same sex marriage”

Well having been married for thirty years

I’d like a “some sex marriage”

RED HAT

 

She was a stunner

In her new red hat

And it turned a few heads

Have no doubt of that

 

She was not dressed

As someone one ignores

But everyone was thinking

“Red hat no drawers”

RED NOSE

 

He had a large red nose

Just like a strawberry

His pock marked snozz

Was not a thing of beauty

But it was not a drinker’s nose

In fact on the contrary

It was actually the result

Of learning to eat with cutlery

MATERNAL SETUP

 

I am a single man and happy to be so

But I keep being set up by my mother

And the latest had very friendly eyes

As they kept looking at each other

PRESIDENTIAL FLIGHT

 

When POTUS bought a new thoroughbred

It had to be flown across from London 

And as it was the Presidential Colt

It had to be flown over on AirHorse 1

DICTIONARIES AND LEXICONS

Dictionaries and Lexicons

Are crucial to most authors

And we all wonder if there’s

Another word for Thesaurus