A BITTER PILL

 

Realisation of my folly comes

As I lay abed at first light

I took a sleeping pill and

A laxative on the same night

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 136

 

Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat

I can’t wait till Christmas to eat some of that

Coz I’m on the Atkins diet and that’s a fact

I just hope that I don’t have a heart attack

ARE YOU WEARING FAKE TAN?

 

Are you wearing fake tan?

Or have you been out in the sun

Either way I’m not really fussed

But seeing your white bits might be fun

WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 2

 

When my Gran got out of bed

After one too many tipples

She didn’t even notice that she

Was standing on her nipples

A FRUITFUL RELATIONSHIP

 

When I first dated my wife

Long ago in another life

I would get aroused watching her

Eating a banana

Now, thirty years later

It’s quite a different matter 

I only get exited watching her

If she chokes on the banana

BIRTHDAY TREAT

 

When your wife asks,

Which of her friends,

You would choose from,

To attend

Your birthday treat

And participate

In a threesome,

You shouldn’t hesitate

But a word of caution

When she asks you

Just give her the one name

And not two

DOMESTIC TIP

 

How do you turn on the dishwasher?

My friend asked me

I replied that in my house

Blowing in her ear was the key