SLEEPLESS NIGHT

 

I lay in bed quite restless

In a measure of distress

Uncomfortable in my nightdress

And I started to obsess

 

Why was the sun an absentee?

Then quite suddenly

At half past three

It dawned on me

DRUNK DRIVING

 

He was driving home,

Shit faced drunk

Pissed as a cricket

Drunk as a skunk

 

Suddenly he swerved

To avoid a tree,

Then another, then another.

Then another tree

 

The police stopped him

For driving erratically

“Having a little trouble”?

The cop asked sarcastically

 

The drunk told the cop

About the trees everywhere

The cop just pointed

To the air freshener hanging there

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 124

 

Cock a doodle doo,

My wife has lost her shoe;

Oh what a convenient confidence trick

Just so she can buy some new

BLONDE NITWIT

 

A traffic cop saw Bimbette knitting while driving

And couldn’t believe his eyes at all

He angrily shouted at her “Pull over, pull over”

She shouted back “no, it’s a shawl”

ARE YOU WEARING SOMETHING WICKED?

 

Are you wearing something wicked?

Are you black clad beneath the white?

Underneath your dress are you silkily encased?

For a very wicked wedding night

OUT OF MY LEAGUE # 2

Though not the type

To put it about

She was a looker

Without a doubt

It’s a shame

I’m not in with a shout

I’ll just go home

And knock one out 

MY MISSING WIFE

 

My wife has been missing for a week

The Police haven’t found her yet

They told me to prepare for the worst

So, I've put all her clothes back in the closet