COUNTRY WATCH

 

I went to the countryside

And you know when I looked

I could see animals roaming about

That were totally uncooked

I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 2

 

I really need to moderate

The way I live my life

Last night I drank so much

I turned into my wife

 

I lost the ability to rationalise

I couldn’t think logically

And couldn’t grasp the offside law

Then I had to sit down to pee

FEMININE CONUNDRUM # 1

 

I will never understand women

How is it they can pour wax, molten

Onto their naked flesh and then to boot

Rip it off pulling out the hair by the root

And yet can by completely terrified by

A spider that’s even smaller than a fly

DO AS I SAY

 

My wife said, “Take off all my clothes

And throw them on the floor”

I was taken aback to be honest

Then she said “and don’t wear them anymore”

BLONDICIDE

 

Bimbette was found in her cell

Hanging by the ankles from a beam

She claims it was a suicide attempt

This is normal for her it would seem

 

When she was told that to kill herself

The rope would need to be around her throat

She said that she had tried that first

But she stopped when she started to choke

REFRESHING SUPPORT

 

My wife left the house last week

For a pint of milk and never came back

Everyone keeps asking how I’m coping

But I used the powdered or had it black

BLONDE BIRD

 

Peaches suddenly said

“Look at the dead bird there”

Bimbette at once looked up

And said “where”?