ON ALERT

I hate living under the threat

Of terrorism every day

I can remember when if you saw

An unattended bag on the railway

You would say to yourself

I’m going to have that away

  

THE SAME OLD COIFFURE

Sally always had

The same old coiffure

And thought that

Her marriage was secure

But her husband chose

A new style of hair

And she found one day

He was no longer there 

I REALLY NEED TO MODERATE # 1

I really need to moderate

The way I live my life

Last night I drank so much

I turned into my wife

 

I argued over nothing at all

Behaved like a holy terror

And I refused to apologise

When I was obviously in error 

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 119

 

Mary had a little lamb

She also had a horse

She could never eat her ride

But lamb with mint sauce?

ARE YOU WEARING UNDER CRACKERS?

 

Are you wearing under crackers?

To cover up your knackers

Is the boxer revolution

Your best underwear solution

Or do they dangle to and fro

As you walk about commando

SINCE THE BBC SACKED ALL THE DALEKS # 10

 

Since the BBC sacked all the Daleks

Most are just scrounging off the state

But there is one working at the Hotel

He doesn’t really communicate

And it scares a lot of the Guests

When it says Remunerate, Remunerate

BLOODY MINDEDNESS # 2

 

I stay in the relationship

Even though it’s not right

At the end of the day

I stay with her out of spite