MY DEAR OLD MOTHER

 

My dear old mother

Recently passed away

But it came to my attention

Only the other day

That she was in fact killed

By a “Mrs A”

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 87

 

The lion and the unicorn

Were fighting for the crown

The lion beat the unicorn

All around the town

The vicious ambitious lion

Beat the poor unicorn so cute

But with one final effort

The unicorn killed the great hairy brute

MARTI

 

A young lady called Marti

Is vivacious and hearty

And just a bit tarty

But great fun at a party

GERTY

 

A young lady called Gerty

Is perky and flirty

Divertingly perty

And just downright dirty

MY WIFE IS MAD

 

My wife is mad

Last night she snored so loud

That she woke herself up

Then she hit me

For snoring so bloody loud

That I woke her up

DREAMS ARE REALLY VERY ODD # 1

 

Dreams are really very odd

Last night I sat up in bed

Clutching a pillow to my chest

And then I loudly said

“I’m off up the garden

To bury the dog”

My wife barked “You silly sod,

We haven’t got a dog”

MY WIFE HAS A TERRIBLE HABIT

 

My wife has a terrible habit

Of staying up till the early morn

And I can't break her of the habit

Of staying up till the dawn

Why on earth does she do it?

Is she up surfing the internet?

Or is she an incurable insomniac?

No, she stays up coz I’m not home yet