THE MORNING AFTER

 

After a wild drunken night

Of drink, drugs, and animal sex

I awoke the next morning

And after finding my specs

I realised I was in bed

With the ugliest of women

And made a resigned sigh

Knowing I’d made it home then

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 67

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill

They planned to do some snogging

But jack tried to get in her pants

So, she whacked him on the noggin

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 15

 

I don’t have a favourite;

I love each and every one

Whether happy or sad

Cheerful or glum

 

I love warmer Norma

And chilly Millie

Brahma Alma

And misty Kristi

 

I love diva Riva

And the miser Eliza

Expressly Leslie

And viler Isla

 

I love sweet Reet

And henna Sienna

Bonny Bonnie

And better Henrietta

 

I love crabby Gabby

And flabby Abi

Tabby Abi

And shabby Tabbi

NHS CUT BACKS # 5

 

The NHS has plans to save money

Which some seem to accept, though

Cardiologists for example

Don’t have the heart to say no

TOMMY AND ERIC

 

Tommy Cooper

And Eric Morecambe

Were funny men

Not vulgar

Or foul mouthed

Not forced or contrived

Just naturally funny men

Who made you laugh

Just by walking on to the stage

In fact, thinking about them

Has just made me smile

ELECTORAL LAW

 

It is an unwritten law

That candidates for council election

Must be uncircumcised

i.e. Tipped except during erection

 

Now don’t get excited

It is in no way anti-Semitic

It just means that to be a politician

You must be a complete prick

HOW DO YOU MAKE A FRUIT TRIFLE?

 

How do you make

A fruit trifle?

Give him a

Tantalising eyeful

And make him shoot

Like a self-loading rifle