WHEN I DIE

 

When I die

And I ascend

How long, from

My untimely end

How much time

Must I spend?

What part of eternity

Must I extend?

Wearing the outfit

I wore at the end

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 59

 

Hark, hark my dogs do bark

All day walking round the town

My plates of meat, my aching feet

I just want a nice sit down

SEXUAL PREFERENCES # 7

 

I don’t have a favourite,

I love each and every one

Whether happy or sad

Cheerful or glum

 

I love Neater Rita

And Nosy Rosie

Beggy Peggy

And Dozy Posy

 

I love Tatty Patty

And Singular Ingela

Tipsy Bitzi

And Glandular Angela

 

I love Naïve Neve

And Teaser Louisa

Taller Paula

And “Was a Geezer” Lisa

HOW DO YOU MAKE A FRUIT PUNCH?

 

How do you make a fruit punch?

Well, I have a little hunch

But I am my no means certain

But just criticize his curtains

LYCRA LADY?

 

The Lycra fitted her

Like a second skin.

Taut and seamless

Leaving every contour revealed

Each curve, each mound

Every peak and valley

Every ridge and canyon

Of her voluptuous landscape

Her immodesty shown

In stark relief

COMING OF AGE

 

When I was still but a boy

I went to visit a house of joy

And although I had to pay

I would honestly have to say

That for a coming of age event

It was the best quid I ever spent

SAY IT AS IT IS

 

Velveteen isn’t Velvet

And Sateen isn’t silk

A sours ear isn’t a purse

And UHT isn’t milk