DOCTOR FEELGOOD

My doctor advised me to

Take regular exercise

Eat more fruit

And get plenty of fresh air

So, I have taken his advice

I walk to the pub

I have a slice of lemon with my G&T

And I drink in the beer garden

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 45

 

Old King Cole was a merry old soul,

And a merry old soul was he;

He called for his pint in the middle of the day

And he called for his cronies three.

Every crony had a fresh bottle,

And a very fine bottle had he;

Oh there's none so pissed as can compare

With King Cole and his cronies three.

SUNDAY’S GIRL

 

Sunday’s girl

So sweet and lovely

A blithe spirit

Light hearted and carefree

 

Sunday’s girl

Innocently happy

Virtuous and chaste

And perfectly pretty

POTHERING

 

He was in such a pother

Such was the lot of the suitor

For he was to ask for his lady’s hand

Well that was what he had planned

But he was in such a nervous state

He couldn’t get his head straight

He was sure she would be receptive

But signs can be deceptive

So he resolved to do what was planned

And ask for his lady’s hand

Although to be perfectly fare

He was more interested in the rest of her

PARTIALITY

 

Have you always been partial to a skinny red head?

But you married a twenty stone brunette instead

Have you always hankered for someone small and petite?

Instead, you married a woman with size ten feet

Were you attracted to intelligent women with wit?

But instead, you married some uncouth twit

Did you always fancy a girl with figure that swings?

But instead, you’re stuck with miss bingo wings

Do you ever think your perfect woman got away?

Well, you are not alone because I think it every day

SCANNING THE ROOM

 

A rather tall, elegant woman

Entered the room

And made a quick appraisal

Of those in her presence

The look she gave my way

Needed no vocalization

She had no need to say “ugh”

The look made redundant

Any need of an exclamation of disgust

The haughty expression

And the inclination of her head,

The involuntary sneer

Spoke volumes as to her disposition

Which was fine by me

Because I liked the look of her mate

CATWALK STRUT

 

She strutted down the catwalk

In an outfit to make the critics talk

It was called simply “Iridescence”

And had a lustrous, brilliant appearance

Her outfit was called the wonder of the age

I think I’d prefer something in beige