WEDDING VOW

 

When to my wife I was wed

My father-in-law to me said

I will give you ten acres and a cow

I’ve waited for the land for 10 years now

AN ACT OF VANDALISM

 

Applying a tattoo

On a beautiful woman’s skin

Is something akin

To drawing a moustache

On the Mona Lisa

Or a Chad on the ceiling

Of the Sistine chapel

The only things that can enhance

A woman’s beauty

Is a smile about her lips

And a glow upon her cheek

OPPOSITES ATTRACT # 1

 

You have elegance

Poise and grace

A certain sophistication

And what was once called “it”

You have beauty

And sex appeal

You know what you’ve got

And how to use it

You have style

And fashion sense

You know what goes

And what does not

So, answer me this

Why do you choose?

As your date

A tattooed Neanderthal

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 41

 

Twinkle, twinkle little star

Are the services very far?

Oh I really hope they are

Or I will Tinkle, Tinkle in the car

GULF OF IRONY

 

America doesn’t need to invade

To find oil anymore

Because in an ironic twist of fate

Oil is invading their shore

WEDNESDAY’S GIRL

 

Wednesday’s girl

So full of woe

How does fickle love

Mistreat you so

 

Sad Wednesday girl

Left with red eyes

By unfaithful love

For whom she cries

 

Oh Wednesday girl

Weeping for her lover

Don’t waste your tears

You will find another

IT’S THE WRONG WAY ROUND

 

Plastic surgeons think themselves Gods

As they try to turn back the clock

I think plastic surgery is nonsense

Trying to hold back the ravages of time

By nipping and tucking

And implanting and enhancing

It is an exercise in futility

People who have face lifts

Don’t look younger

Just permanently surprised

The medical profession

By trying to preserve aging flesh

Is approaching the problem

From the wrong direction

Would it not be better?

To transplant the brain

Of a mature man or woman

Into the body of a vacuous teenager

Then you could have fabulous sex

Followed by great conversation