21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 40

 

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick

Jack jumped over the candlestick

But Jack should have jumped higher

Because he’s set his balls on fire

A GULF OF DIFFERENCE

 

I must say I like President Obama

He does his job with great aplomb

But admitting defeat in the gulf

Is a step to which he might have to succumb

For what he faces in the Gulf of Mexico

Is a problem that America can’t bomb

TUESDAY’S GIRL

 

Tuesday’s girl

Gracefully elegant

Slender and lithe

In form and movement

Struts the catwalk

For an outrageous payment

PUT DOWN # 39

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“What would I have to do” he may ask

“For you to go out with me?”

Just reply to him

“Shed 60 pounds really”

SWEAR WORD SCRABBLE

 

Great fun games for the English summer

They don’t have to be expensive

Play new swear word Scrabble

It’s a simple game not for the pensive

All words must be in common usage

And should be genuinely offensive

SEXING FLIES

 

Joan found her husband George

Indulging in a strange caper

Stalking about the kitchen

With a rolled up newspaper

 

“What on earth are you doing?”

She asked with annoyance.

“I’m doing battle with flies”

Was his proud response

“Have you killed any yet?”

She asked, walking to the door

“Three male and two female

Is the current score”

“How can you sex a fly?”

Asked a, now interested Joan

“I killed three on a beer can; 

The other two were on the phone” 

THE COMMANDO WIFE

 

George looked at his wife on the sofa

With more than the usual on display

“Are you wearing underwear?” He asked

In an unusually interested way

“No” she replied pleased he’d noticed

“I’m pantie-less” she said happily unclad

“Thank God for that” said husband George

“I thought you’d sat on my kebab”