PUT DOWN # 24

 

Put downs work the best

For deflecting unwanted attention

But try to be amusing

As this relieves the tension

“I'd die happy, If I could see you naked”

He might well begin

So just reply to him

“If I saw you naked, I'd die laughing”

IN THE COLD LIGHT OF DAY

 

If you are the sort of woman who believes

Life is too short to dance with ugly men

Then you almost certainly believe

It’s too short to have sex with them

Just remember that when you get drunk

There are no ugly men to offend you

And I bet you’ve never bedded an ugly man

But I’m sure you’ve woken up with a few

TAKE A CLOSER LOOK

 

You don’t need expensive binoculars

They’re a waste of money you know

Instead of bringing the object nearer

Stand closer to her bedroom window

DRINKING FROM THE UGLY POND

 

Alcohol was originally invented

So ugly people could have sex too

Because viewed thru beer goggles

Everyone looks beautiful to you

It also serves to add some variety

To the beautiful people’s gene pool

CLEAN SWEEP

 

A clean desk is the sign

Of a sick mind

A clean house is the sign

Of a wasted life

A clean mind is….

Just unnatural

THE BULLDOG BREED

 

The British in the past

Seemed to have more grit

The Londoners of old

Bombarded in the Blitz

Shook their fists in defiance

Such were the plucky Brits

People alive today

Would never stand for it

They’d shout about human rights

And probably serve a writ

URANIA

 

The last mythological muse

Urania, muse of astrology

Foreteller of the future

By the stars array

Dressed in a cloak

Embroidered with stars

Holding a globe in her left hand

Always looking to the heavens

a goddess of universal love

And possessed with the holy spirit

The Renaissance Urania

Was muse to the Christian poets

And still gazed to the heavens

But saw God amongst the stars