MOUSE TALE

 

We have an unwanted mouse in our house

But am I permitted to kill it? No is the answer

My son suggested I leave the back door open

So it could let it self out when it was ready

My wife wants me to buy a humane trap

So I can catch it, release it, and catch it again next week

How confused we are of what animals are

We have this romantic notion of the animal kingdom

That they are just like humans but in animal form

We have endowed the beasts with human qualities

Beatrix Potter’s tales are a classic example of this

Stories spoon fed to young eager minds for decades

Mice do not live in houses, watch TV or play scrabble

It’s just a mouse, its vermin, and it’s eating my food

They have been humanised in a century of cartoons

In that undignified way we have Disney-fied them

Well we need to un-Disneyfy the creatures double quick

So I have baited my trap and I will wait for the snap

Because Mice don’t live in houses especially not in mine

FILM CHOICE

 

How to choose, how to select

A film to fill that two hour slot

The bumph will big it up

Over egg the pudding like as not

So, I look for key word like

“Thought provoking” or “moody”

“Poignant, “Critically acclaimed”

Or “Stunning cinematography”

And when I’ve identified them

I know they are the ones to miss

And I get the one with the cover picture

Of a girl in a state of undress

BOILER REPLACEMENT SCHEME

 

I’m very disappointed with the government

And their gas boiler replacement scheme

I called the Gas Company about my “old boiler”

But my wife wasn’t what they had in mind it seems

BOND

 

In an instant you were gone

Taken from us by another’s selfishness

He was too drunk to walk

So, he drove instead

Devastation left in his wake

The children want to know why

I don’t have the answer

They look to me for a reason

They look to me for strength

They cling to me out of fear

The fear of losing me too

But they must be my reason

And they are my strength

And I cling to them out of fear

The fear of losing them too

WHO KILLED THE PINBALL WIZARD?

 

The Pinball wizard is dead

That deaf dumb and blind kid

Was shot dead by a stranger

It was such a senseless murder

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 18

 

There was a little girl,

Who had a little curl,

Growing in the middle of her chest

With the sunlight on her

It looked like a comma

That punctuated her pert little breasts

 

(Little girl in this case refers to stature and not age, so stop composing a complaint already)

 

(Not really a nursery rhyme I know

So sorry to the fans of Longfellow)

THE ST VALENTINE’S DAY MASSACRE

 

The St Valentine’s Day massacre

That was a bloody occasion

Which just shows what happens

If you don’t make a reservation