Well done, you’ve made it
Be proud, be bold
You made the magic
number
You’re a wonder to
behold
Enjoy it you deserve
it
Enjoy and let the day
unfold
And don’t let anyone
tell you
That you’re now just
old
Wednesday, 2 February 2022
HAPPY BIRTHDAY # 3
PUT DOWN # 6
Put downs work the best
For deflecting unwanted
attention
But try to be amusing
As this relieves the
tension
If he says “I believe in equality
So, you can ask ME out”
Just reply to him sweetly
PICKING FROM THE MENU
Looks can be so deceiving
When searching for a lover
If you make an instant
judgment
Just hope they can
deliver
So, ladies beware when
choosing
The macho over the wimp
If you expect to get
king prawn
You may end up getting
shrimp
ANYTHING GOES
The Cole Porter classic “Anything Goes”
Is a song everyone
knows
“In olden days a
glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as
something shocking
Now heaven knows
Anything goes”
Which attempted to
define
The moral decline
Well, little did he
know
How low morals would
go
Now little is left to
the imagination
When it comes to
female emancipation
Women display
themselves to readily
Or dress
inappropriately
Their varying degrees
of undress
Expose pierced and
tattooed flesh
In thongs with exposed
arses
Or skirts as short as
west end farces
Naked midriffs of all
shapes and sizes
Leaving no room for
surprises
Flesh erupts like a
muffin
Over waist bands
unable to keep it in
And no one should ever
wear Lycra
Unless their figure is
micra
There are things that
should remain hidden
And only revealed when
bidden
Equally there are also
things about a woman
That does not need to
be revealed to a man
For example, a cause
of great consternation
Is that we get to hear
about their constipation
Loss of bladder
control issues
Feminine freshness
wipes and tissues
Then there is the
shaving and waxing
And treatments men
would find quite taxing
There are things we
don’t need to see or hear
I just want to make
that clear
One behaviour that’s
quite disturbing
Is a mother in public
breast feeding
Nursing a baby, we
don’t want to see
No matter how nice her
nurses maybe
But the very worst
thing to see
Is when they are out
socially
Woman kind when
emancipated
Failed to do what was
anticipated
In taming the animal
in men
And preventing his
wildness emerging again
Instead, women have
fallen into the pit
And show no intention
of leaving it
Laddettes and matrons
who should know better
End up drunk laying in
the gutter
Even at a holiday
resort
Men look on as they
disport
Cavorting bare
chest-ed
Free of the clothes
they have divested
As they display
manicured muffs
And unmatched collar
and cuffs
The tattoos, piercings
and body art
Are the only way to
tell them apart
Full of cocktails and
beer
And the odd infection
I fear
I’m not sure Mrs
Pankhurst
When the idea struck
her first
Envisaged that this
would be the way of it
And Cole Porter didn’t
know the half of it
“In olden days a
glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as
something shocking
Now heaven knows
Anything goes”
FROM BEGINNING TO END
From school days
To pay days
From a lowly newbie
To the top of the tree
From earning a salary
To redundancy
From numerous
applications
To endless rejections
From a life of worth
To a state of dearth
From adolescence
To obsolescence
GET A GRIP
It was when I was at the hospital today
I had undressed and
was sat waiting
When the nurse said
quite sharply
“You really must stop
masturbating”
Alarmed I asked with
tremulous voice
“Why is there
something wrong Nurse Pugh?
She looked at me
unsympathetically and said
“No, it’s because I
need to examine you”
DIFFERENT STROKES
We are poles apart
You are north to my
south
We are different ends
of the solar system
You are Mercury I am
Pluto
We are contradictory
You are black to my
white
We are from different
ends of the earth
We inhabit different
hemispheres
You are up and I am
down
We should be knife and
fork
Brush and paint
Cup and saucer
Pepper and salt
But we are not
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