ACCIDENTAL INJURY

 

The most painful household incident

Is NOT

Stepping bare foot on an upturned plug

That you forgot

The most painful household incident

Is instead

Stubbing your little toe in the dark

On your way back to bed

CAR LESS AND CARELESS

 

This observation

I have happened to regard

People who don't drive

Slam car doors too damn hard

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – THE AFRICAN QUEEN (1951)

 

The African Queen is based on C.S. Forester’s novel and directed by John Huston.

It’s set in German Eastern Africa at the beginning of WW1 and begins at a Christian Mission where Reverend Samuel Sayer (Robert Morley) has become a hostile foreigner, so German imperial troop’s burn down his mission.

He is beaten during the attack and later dies of fever, leaving his spinster sister Rose (Katharine Hepburn) all alone until Charlie Allnut (Humphrey Bogart) the gin-swilling riverboat captain of the dilapidated river steamboat 'African Queen' arrives and gives her a means of escape.

They bury Samuel and set off on the long difficult journey down river without any comfort and along the way the odd companions conceive a cockeyed plan to help in the British War effort (and avenge her brother), by sinking a huge German warship, the Louisa, on Lake Victoria, by constructing their own torpedo.

The unlikely couple, an ex gin-swilling riverboat captain and a former strait-laced missionary, aim high in their endeavour, as God is obviously on their side, and they have love for each other.

WHO WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY (23)

Who shot Patakango?

What a crazy world

When father was away on business

Where the lilies bloom

Why live alone

HAMMERED

 

A Hammer is Male

Because since its invention day

It hasn't changed one iota

Buts it's handy to have around anyway

ALL AT SEA

 

It was last summer when

Uncle John and Aunty May

Left Southampton

On a cruise ship holiday

 

I wouldn’t like it

It was like a holiday camp at sea

And just like Butlin's

There was entertainment daily

 

And after dinner

At the end of each day

Everyone met in the lounge

Where there were games to play

 

But one evening

Illness struck aunty May

So Uncle Joe

Went on his own to play

 

Each person had to give

A ten minute address that evening

On a subject

Of someone else’s choosing

 

When Joe’s turn came

Of all the subjects

That he could have had

He had to talk about sex

 

He was very nervous

But gave of his all

And at the end Applause

Reverberated round the hall

 

Feeling very pleased

Joe went back to his cabin

And found May still awake

Who wanted updating

 

“We had to give a little talk

It was a very nice evening  

Ten minutes on a subject

Of someone else’s choosing”

 

“What was your speech about?”

May wanted to hear

He thought for a moment

And said “It was about sailing dear”

 

The next day on deck

To May’s surprise

The other passengers

Greeted her with excited cries

 

“Oh your husbands speech

Was just wonderful

He was very enthusiastic

And very knowledgeable”

 

“Well I am quite surprised

To here that of Joe

As he’s only done it twice

As far as I know”

 

“The first time he was sick”

She said with a scoff

“And the second time

His hat flew off”.

TROUBLE AND STRIFE

 

I've often wanted to drown my troubles

Lose them in the foaming bubbles

But alas my chances are dimming

As I can't get my wife to go swimming