FROM A TO B

 

When Going from a to b

It’s amazing what you see

White van man

Going hither and thither

White headed oldies

All of a dither

Driving school students

Holding up the flow

People who can’t navigate

Who don’t know where to go

School run mums

Stopping where they may

Lane weaving bikers

Going their own way

Men in lycra on cycles

Breaking all the rules

Boy racers joyriding

Drag racers in duals

Stressed out salesmen

Talking on mobile phones

Able-bodied drivers

Parked in disabled zones

The Arrogant in BMW’s

Driving in bus lanes

Speeding in the sunshine

And again, when it rains

Affluent Essex girls

Driving four by fours

Its hell getting anywhere

I’d rather stay in doors

TONIE AND GORDIE

 

The difference between

Neurosis and psychosis

Is not prerequisite

A psychotic believes

2 + 2 = 5

Even if it doesn’t fit

While a neurotic knows

2 + 2 = 4

But really doesn’t like it

ON THE TOWN

 

Tuneless pub singers

Tired old swingers

Sad old slappers

Slow hand clappers

Come lately Johnnies

Candies and Ronnie’s

Funny pill poppers

Dressed up toppers

Sleazy night clubbers

Sailors and lubbers

Robbers and dippers

Inherent bad tippers

Bar room brawlers

Merry pub-crawlers

Giggling hen parties

Hail and hearties

Noisy stag nighters

Scrappers and fighters

Uni rag-weekers

Sure, thing seekers

Familiar city sight

Every Saturday night

AFFORD A BEAMER

Have you ever noticed

How many cars are BMW’s

Every man and his dog it seems

Is driving one. Do you?

 

There are so many drivers today

Who now drive a Beamer

There are so many in fact

They’ve become today’s Cortina 

PLUMBING TIPS

Plumbing holds no secrets

If you follow these tips

Male always fits into female

Even the new push fits

To do it up or turn it on

Righty, Tighty is the way

And to undo or turn off

Its lefty Loosie. OK?

SCOUT ABOUT

 

What became of

“Brussel Sprouts”

Also known as

Good boy scouts

 

Dib, Dib, Dib

Dob, Dob, Dob

Eagerly helping

Doing bob a job

 

Ging Gang Gooley

And Kum Ba Ya

Traditional singing

Around the campfire

 

What became of

Good boy scouts

There still out there

I have no doubt

 

But they’re not doing

Bob a job’s

They are behaving

Like yobs

 

And instead of helping

Like they oughta

They’re in the scout hut

Doing your daughter

PET LOVER

The Brits love pets

Some even have a few

The man on the street

And celebrities too

And even Julian Clary

Has a Cockatoo