VOX POP

I don’t have a problem with phone in’s per se

I don’t mind the public having their own say

The public has a right to freedom of speech

And to prevent them would be a clear breach

They all have their own opinion that I know

I just don’t want to hear them on the radio

AND REX TIS’ YOU

 

Instructions printed on toilet paper

Is really the daftest caper

But reading the instructions

Is an even dafter aberration

And then when you’re reading

You find that you’re actually learning

But the daftest one of them all

Is when you suddenly feel small

And you realize that all along

You have been doing something wrong

A COOL SMOKE

Having a smoking section in a restaurant

Is so un-cool

It’s like having a peeing section

In a swimming pool

I WANT IT ALL

You can't have everything

That’s true enough I’d say

And if you did have everything

Where would you put it anyway?

VERY CUTTING

There is a weapon that becomes sharper

That is to say that it becomes even keener

Cutting even sharper the more it is used

Is it clear to you or are you still confused?

There can be only one answer in this life

Sharpening with use is the tongue of a wife

NIP IT IN THE BUD

I saved up for ages and I was going to have a face-lift

I was going to treat myself it was to be a sort of gift

It was when the day drew close doubts grew to suffice

I was in the doctor’s office and was put off to be precise

The thing I was most concerned about was his decor

He had artwork on every wall and even on the door

They were all out of perspective and looked askew

And I had a question about them if not one or two

Until I knew the answer the treatment, I would forgo

Were they sample of his work or portraits by Picaso?

LAND OF NOD

 

My mother has time on her hands

Now that she’s buried three husbands

But the thing that’s quite worrying

Is two of them were only napping