DI

 

Diana Princess of Wales

She’s dead now of course

Was known for many things

But mostly as a clothes horse

HOW MUCH?

 

For thirty-five years I have paid

Via PAYE income taxation

 

For thirty-five years I have paid

My National Insurance contribution

 

For twenty-five years I have paid

For my private medical protection

 

But what I’m not prepared to pay

Is for my GP to sign my application

I HOPE I’M A CELBRITY WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE

 

This Ant and Dec as far as I can tell

Are on TV a lot and doing quite well

I don’t really watch them much you see

Because they’re not really my cup of tea

Recently they were called in the press

Something that causes me great distress

The claim that has caused such concern

“Ant and Dec are the new Eric and Ern”

Well, I’m sorry but I simply must disagree

There can never be a new Eric and Ernie

They won’t even replace Cannon and Ball

Little and Large or any double acts at all

It won’t ever happen no matter who tries

But they may be the new Little and Wise

PAINT THE SKY WITH STARS

 

Why is it that when

With astronomers you converse

And your told there are

Billions of stars in the universe 

You believe them

Completely and without coerce

Yet when you speak

To an expert in things decorative

And you’re told there is

Wet paint near where you live

You still need to touch it

Just to be positive

HOROSCOPE HUBBY

 

My husband is like

Those horoscopes you can get

He tells me what to do

And he’s never been right yet

COOL SPOUSE

 

My husband is like a cool box

If filled with beer

I can manage to take him

Almost anywhere

GOOL PERAN LOWEN

 

Gool Peran Lowen

It’s St Piran’s Day

He’s revered by “Tinners”

Since their heyday

For sharing the secrets

Of Mining Tin, they say