ARE YOU WEARING A STICK-ON TATTOO?

 

Are you wearing a stick-on tattoo?

Is that really the best you could do?

What? You were too scared to get proper ink?

What will the rest of the chapter think?

I ORDERED THE TARKA DAL

 

I ordered the Tarka Dal

It was like lentil soup only hotter

I was a bit disappointed

As I was expecting curried otter

ROUGED CHEEKS

 

Rouged cheeks

And blood red lips

Varnished nails

And tattooed flesh

Dyed sculptured hair

And black shadowed brow

Who are you?

All pierced and painted

And what have you done

With my lovely daughter?

KEY PLAN

 

I am always losing my keys

So, I have devised a plan

My husband is horrified

As the car might be stolen

 

But to my way of thinking

It’s the perfect solution

After all what could be simpler

Than leaving them in the ignition

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 286

 

Nelly Bligh

Caught a fly

And tied it to some thread

With some delight

She tied it tight

But then the fly was dead

KEEPING ABREAST

 

There’s nothing quite so disconcerting

When you’re with a girl in a café, flirting

Than for a mother and child to occupy

Your table and you hear the baby cry 

As if the wailing is not enough to bear

Mother flops a breast out, right there

Babies cry replaced by a sucking sound

Causing diners heads to turn around

When she stops and removes the sprog

We are at first relieved and then agog

Her breast, round and smooth like silk

Is still out, the red nipple dripping milk

After the baby had been winded a bit

She then attached it to her other tit

The young girl I was chatting up and I

Could not get away though we did try

This was repeated one or twice more

Before we could escape to the door

We were trapped inside our cubicle

And forced to watch this spectacle

Dispite what we’d been forced to see

The girl agreed to go out with me

Our relationship was at its inception

We remembered to use contraception

THEY LACK COMMON SENSE

 

They lack Common sense

Their failing is immense

But in their defence

It’s the addled essence

Of their adolescence