WHERE EAGLES DARE

Eagles may soar free and proud

Soaring high among the cloud

And they may look down to view

On more humble creatures who

Can’t soar high among the cloud

And cannot soar free and proud

But these creatures I should begin

Never get sucked into a jet engine

REAL ALE

 

I should say to avoid confusion

That reality is merely an illusion

Now this shouldn’t cause anxiety

It’s just brought on by sobriety

CREAM DREAM

 

Is this product real or just a dream?

This new-fangled anti-aging cream

I think it’s a little odd, at any rate

Because the stuff has a sell by date

BUM DOCTOR

 

When you visit the proctologist

Just be careful if you get my gist

When you’ve assumed the position

And you brace yourself in anticipation

As you feel the painful penetration

You must check without hesitation

Make sure he’s not being bolder

By having a hand on each shoulder

THEY’RE PANTS

 

No woman would wear

Ski pants I dare say

If they could see themselves

Walking away

DOES SHE?

Its twelve years ago since she said I do

Which at the time surprised me to be true

Because I didn’t think she did, did you?

THE ANCIENT ART OF HAPPINESS

 

My Feng Shui man isn’t very happy

Unless the signs I have misread

But I don’t believe for a second

It’s anything that I have done or said

I think it’s the more likely that he

Got up on the wrong side of the bed