Wednesday, 3 February 2021

ALL-TIME CLASSIC MOVIE FAVOURITES – BEN-HUR (1959)

 

Directed by William Wyler, Ben-Hur is an epic tale of injustice, betrayal and revenge.

Judah Ben-Hur (Charlton Heston) is a rich Jewish Prince and merchant in Jerusalem at the beginning of the 1st century and is reunited with his boyhood friend Messala (Stephen Boyd) when he returns to Judea as commanding officer of the Roman Legions.

It is a happy reunion, at first, but their different political views separate them.

During the welcome parade a roof tile falls down from Judah's house and injures the new Governor and Messala sends Judah to the galleys and throws his mother (Martha Scott) and sister (Cathy O'Donnell) into prison, but Judah swears to come back and take revenge on Messala.

He is imprisoned on board the flag ship of Quintus Arrius (Jack Hawkins) and after years chained to an oar, a great battle is fought and Judah finds himself saving the life of his master, who in time adopts him as his own and takes him back to Rome.

 

Having won his freedom, he eventually returns to Judea to find his family, but finds his home in ruins and he servant Simonides (Sam Jaffe) blinded, and his daughter Esther (Haya Harareet) tells him his mother and sister are dead, but later finds they are living in a Leper colony.

After confronting Messala he decides the best way to exact revenge would be to humiliate him at the Hippodrome racing the horses of Balthasar (Finlay Currie) and Sheik Ilderim (Hugh Griffith) in the epic Chariot race.

 

The whole tale of Ben-Hur is set during the time of Jesus Christ and his life is threaded through the story so therefore it has a miraculous ending, which was enough of a reason for Chairman Mao to ban the film in China.

 

It won a record eleven Academy Awards, including Best Picture, Best Director (William Wyler), Best Actor in a Leading Role (Charlton Heston), Best Actor in a Supporting Role (Hugh Griffith), and Best Cinematography – Colour (Robert Surtees)

It’s a truly great movie which everyone should watch if for no other reason than the Chariot Race.

SEE BOTH SIDES

 

There are two sides to any argument

And there are two sides to represent

There are two sides to every divorce

Your side and BUTT heads of course

CRIMINAL RECORDS

 

The metropolitan police arrested a man

He wasn’t a Londoner he was from Iran

What’s his form they would like to know

There’s nothing about him at the C.R.O.

They decided to call the police in Tehran

To see if they had anything on the man

And he had a record in Iran you know

According to those at the Iranian C.R.O.

Two previous convictions for a start

In a box were a hand and a private part

With two priors don’t let him escape

He had one for theft and one for rape

LOOK AT THE CHEST ON THAT

 

In life we’re all looking for someone attractive

However we find looks can be very deceptive

When you eventually spot a prospective mate

Well made with a great figure you highly rate

Provocatively dressed with toe nails painted

You take her home so as to get more acquainted

As if a magician has suddenly said abracadabra

When you get her vest off followed by her bra

You’re both standing naked and everything sags

Her breasts now look like roof tilers nail bags

 

I BET I CAN GET THIS FAG IN THAT GLASS

 

I’ve often noticed that life

Can be very queer

When the people who spend

Their money on beer

Almost any form of gambling,

Oh and they smoke

Complain of feeling ill

And they’re always broke

INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

 

If marriage is an institution

And love is blind as they say

Then marriage must be an

Institution for the blind per-se