PARKING MODE

 

It’s good to have a Model in your car

If you have trouble parking near or far

As a Model passenger with a pretty face

Allows you to park in a disabled space

DAME THORA HIRD - May 28, 1911 to March 15, 2003

In these days when the news broadcast’s spew out stories of death and destruction around the clock and to be honest I’ve become more than a little de-sensitized.

I suppose I have become hard hearted but every now and then something touches me inside it was like when I heard of dear Thora’s passing.

I cried because I was so deeply saddened when I heard Thora had died, sad because it was like losing a relative but not a distant auntie you only hear from at Christmas but a truly loved one like your mum.

Thora was born in Morecambe Lancashire on the 28^th of May 1911 and she made her stage debut two months later when she was carried on to the stage of the Royalty Theatre in Morecambe, in a play directed by her stage manager father.

Despite her father’s theatrical background he did not want her to pursue an acting career and instead she worked at the local Co-op before joining Morecambe Repertory Theatre and her first appearance on a London stage wasn’t until 1940.

For many years she had to content herself playing cleaning ladies or housekeepers, and all the time her father proving to be a dominant influence throughout the early years.

Thora made the first of many television appearances as early as 1954 in “one Good Turn” followed by “The Queens Nose” and “The Adventures of Robin Hood” in 1955.

With the sixties came the so called kitchen sink drama’s routinely portraying gritty northern folk in everyday situations soap opera in other words but this was all grist for the mill to Thora.

But the talented actress could play Shakespeare, with equal ease, notably as the nurse in BBC TV's 1967 production of Romeo and Juliet.

The late sixties is the time I became aware of Thora Hird as I am of an age when I can remember her with the wonderful Freddie Frinton in the poplar situation comedy “Meet the Wife” playing Thora Blacklock the first of many success’s.

Such as “In Loving Memory” (1979) as the irrepressible Ivy Unsworth and she joined the cast of an already successful long running series “Last of the Summer Wine” where she played Edie Pegden from 1986 to 2003.

In between she was a regular in Play for Today, Play of the Month, The Wednesday Play and PBS Classic Theatre as well as guesting in shows like Dinnerladies, Heartbeat and All Creatures Great and Small.

As if this were not enough for one actor she also appeared in more than 100 films, including The Entertainer with Laurence Olivier.

But I think if I were forced to choose from her immense catalogue of work I would be difficult to ignore her brilliant collaboration’s with writer Alan Bennett in the TV series Talking Heads most notably  “A Cream Cracker under the Settee” and “Waiting for the Telegram.”

Thora Hird was also a deeply religious woman and her religious convictions led her to present Sunday TV shows such as Praise Be and Songs of Praise.

Then in 1976 with the publication of her autobiography her talent as a writer was revealed and she went on to write several other successful books.

In her long career Thora won three BAFTAS as well as the hearts of everyone that saw her.

In the 1990’s she was dealt the highest honor and the cruel blow of her life when she was made a Dame in 1993 and she lost “Scotty” her husband of 58 years, Jimmy Scott.

Despite this and with health problems of her own she chose not to rest on her laurels.

My most enduring memories of Thora will always be her appearances on chat shows when she could be herself.

She never lost the common touch and she said she liked to be “ordinary” in truth she was anything but ordinary she was a Vintage northern lass and she was truly a national treasure.

THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE ANCIENT WORLD, THE COLOSSUS OF RHODES

 

The Colossus of Rhodes was the youngest of the seven ancient wonders with the 12-year construction being completed in 282 BC. 

The 110 ft colossus was cast in bronze and stood on a huge white marble plinth on the eastern promontory of the Mandraki harbour by the entrance of the port on the beautiful Mediterranean island of Rhodes and contrary to popular belief the Colossus did not straddle the mouth of the harbour.

The huge bronze statue of the sun god Helios was cast by the Rhodian sculptor Chares of Lindos to celebrate the lifting of the siege of Rhodes by the Antigonids of Macedonia.

Not only was the colossus the youngest wonder it was also the most short lived only surviving for 56 years before it was felled by a severe earthquake in 226 BC that badly damaged the city.

The statue lay broken in ruins on the ground where it fell for almost a thousand years until the Arabs invaded Rhodes in 654 AD who sold the bonze remains to a Syrian Jew who had them transported home reportedly on 900 camels.

Although it physically survived for little more than half a century such was the statues magnificence it survived in people’s hearts and minds sufficiently to elevate it to become one of the seven wonders.

Even though we have no way of knowing the exact appearance of the Colossus it has none the less influenced other great artists over the centuries such as the great French sculptor Auguste Bartholdi best known for the Statue of Liberty.

COMPUTER GIRLS

 

I have several reasons to believe

Computers are femininely technologic

No one but their own Creator

Can understand their internal logic

The smallest errors are stored

In memory for later retrieval

They’re expensive, unpredictable

Unforgiving and temperamental

They communicate nonsensically

In a language that no man has

The "Bad command or file name"

Message is as informative as

"If you don't know then I'm

Certainly not going to make you wise”

And as soon as you commit

You continue to pay to accessorize.

WHAT SMALL FEET

 

Why do women have smaller feet?

Smaller than men, small and neat

Why are they smaller do you think? 

So, they can stand closer to the sink

SO BUSY, WOW

 

Have you ever noticed how

Even the busiest people now

Are never too busy somehow

To tell you just exactly how

Really busy they are right now

MUSIC COUNTRY

 

If you sing a country music song

Backward all the way along

Will you find your let out of jail

And will the train stay on the rail?

Your house was not burned down

“Dad” was not run out of town

Will you find you kept your job

And you didn’t turn into a slob?

Will you find you still have a wife

And will your dog come back to life?