A Little Bit Of Humour # 4

ARE YOU WEARING A POLICEMAN’S HAT?

Are you wearing a policeman’s hat?
And you don’t get fed up with that
When they ask about your bobby’s hat
“Does your head reach the top of that?”

CHARITABLE BEQUESTS REQUESTS # 2

Not happy just to pester me in life
The Red Cross want me instead
To change my last will and testament
To take my money when I’m dead

A MAN IN A HOT AIR BALLOON # 2

A Man in a hot air balloon
Has lost his bearings
As he slowly floated by

He looks down below
And shouts to a man
“Hello, Where am I”?

“Well you tell me mate”
The man shouted back
“You have a better view than I”

GOURMET PARSNIP CRISPS

Gourmet Parsnip crisps
I found out today
Can easily be included
As one of your five a day

SELF MEDICATION

To counteract the signs of aging
I have an alternative to the
Cosmetic treatment hustle

I just drink plenty of wine
It’s much cheaper than Botox
And paralyses more muscles

VERY RED CROSS

I supported the Red Cross
For many Years
But their hard sell tactics
Brought me to tears

Not content with
My monthly subscription
They bombarded me with requests
Of every description

First they told of troubles
In foreign lands
I said “I can’t pay more
Than what I had planned”

So they thought a change of tack
Will open my wallet
And told me what they did
In Nether Wallop

Emails and letters
Calling with the hard sell
Well I’ve had enough
They can go to hell

MEETING TIME

I have found in meetings
Where minutes are taken
Hours are wasted
Unless I am mistaken

THE LEADER TOUCHED A BUOY

The leader touched a buoy
During the course of race,
When he got to the shore
His mother slapped his face

ALCOHOL IS NOT THE ANSWER

Alcohol is not the answer
That’s my suggestion
It does help however
To make you forget the question

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 287

There was a crow sat on a stone
And there he sat and ate his scone
When it was gone, when there was none
He sat and ate his Chelsea bun
MY GIRL IS TEACHING ME A LANGUAGE

My girl is teaching me a language
Natalia is from Russia you see
But it is not going very well at all
She tried with simple things for me
Asking the Russian word for napkin
Soviette is not the answer apparently

LOST LUGGAGE

It was a dreadful flight
And it was late as well
Then I couldn't find my case
On the baggage carousel
So I went to “lost luggage”
To report the loss of it
The woman looked the part
But I didn’t trust her a bit
She said she would apply
Her professional hand
Then she said “now tell me
“When does your plane land?”

I DO MENTAL ARITHMETIC

I do mental arithmetic
When I’m lying in my bed
I like to count the voices
I hear inside my head

THIS TALK OF CULLING BADGERS

This talk of culling badgers
Is completely unsound
If we keep discussing it
We’ll drive them underground

ARE YOU WEARING A PUZZLED EXPRESSION?

Are you wearing a puzzled expression?
You must really think I have some gall
But if it wasn’t for pickpockets like me
You'd have no hint of a sex life at all

A Little Bit Of Humour # 3

ARE YOU WEARING LACE GARTERS?

Are you wearing lace garters?
Answer me that one for starters
Beneath your dress up high
Around your black clad thigh
Where the black sheath is stopping
Where they are lacy at the topping
Are there lacy garter rings
Sexily placed decorative things
Please answer this one for starters
Are you wearing lacy garters?

I DO DRINK COFFEE

I do drink Coffee
But it’s not a favourite of mine
It doesn’t fill me with cheer

It just fills in the time
Until it’s socially acceptable
To start drinking beer

WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 2

When my Gran got out of bed
After one too many tipples
She didn’t even notice that she
Was standing on her nipples

SOME PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES

Some people come into our lives
And leave footprints on our hearts
Others tread softly leaving no traces

But then there are the ones
On who you want to leave boot prints
All over their stupid faces

TAP IT, UNWRAP IT

The Chocolate Orange
I have so far concluded
As one of your five a day
It may definitely be included

IF MY GIRLFRIEND IS WEARING TIGHTS

When my girlfriend
Is wearing tights
And she over does it
Eating Turkish delight

Her mouth stuffed full
She starts to cough
Involuntarily farts
And blows her slippers off

THE OLD BANGER

The old banger
Wouldn’t start this morning
It wasn’t too long after
The day was dawning
I just kept trying
Over and over
But I couldn’t
Get her to turn over
Until eventually
With a cough and a fart
I managed to get
The old thing to start
Though not working
On full power
She got out of bed
And went in the shower

A SCANDAL HAS BROKEN

A scandal has broken
Of the very worst kind
It’s totally unforgivable
To my way of mind
That fraud Pudsey Bear
Isn’t really blind

FAREWELL TO YOUTH

I’m getting old
My youth has been relinquished
I’m told my grey hair
Makes me look distinguished
The sad truth is
My ego has been extinguished

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 286

Nelly Bligh
Caught a fly
And tied it to some thread
With some delight
She tied it tight
But then the fly was dead

ARE YOU WEARING WINKLE PICKERS?

Are you wearing winkle pickers?
And you don’t mind the snickers?
And when they ask it doesn’t offend?
“Do your toes go right to the end?”

THERE’S AN ARMY SURPLUS STORE ACROSS THE STREET

There’s an Army surplus store across the street
That only sells camouflage gear as far as I can see
I don’t know how well the business is doing
But it seems a bit of a niche market to me
And I watched loads of people go in the shop
But coming out I could only count about three

SON OF THE SOIL

I found the top soil two inches deeper
When I went to my allotment on Monday
I found the top soil two inches deeper
When I went to the allotment on Tuesday
The next day as I approached my plot
My poor old heart beat quickens
So when the top soil was two inches deeper
I could only say “The plot thickens”

TRANSFER SURPRISE

I was surprised Mario Balotelli left City
Though it was surrounded in farce
I would have thought it more likely
That he’d disappear up his own arse

I'LL TAKE THE RED ONE

Bimbette asked in a sex shop
“I want to buy a new vibrator”
The assistant said “just choose
From that display by the door
"I'll take the red one" She said
To the man behind the counter
He replied with a deep sigh
"That's a fire extinguisher"

A Little Bit Of Humour # 2

ARE YOU WEARING CELLULITE CREAM?

Are you wearing cellulite cream?
And is that workin’ for yer?
I only ask as it looks like
You’re covered in tapioca

FOOD GROUPS

There are six food groups
When it comes to my kitchen
Canned, Boxed and Bagged
Jarred, Bottled and Frozen

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 2

As a proud Briton
I will be disappointed
In a strange way

Not if Scotland leaves
But more so
That Wales will stay

CHARITABLE BEQUEST REQUESTS # 1

The Red Cross are getting greedy
Not happy to just milk me in life
They want me to will them a percentage
Of what should go to my wife

A MAN IN A HOT AIR BALLOON # 1

A Man in a hot air balloon
Has lost his bearings
As he slowly floated by

He looks down below
And shouts to a man
“Hello, Where am I”?

“Are you completely mad?”
The man shouted back
“You’re floating in the sky”

THE DEPENDABLE FIG ROLL

The dependable Fig Roll
Or Fig Newton if you must
As one of your five a day
It’s an absolute must

THE HEDGEHOG CULL

The campaigners have won
The Hedgehog cull won’t be done
They argued it shouldn’t go ahead
It was just wrong they said
Saying they were un putdown-able
I think they are just un pickup-able

THE LIFE OF PIE

Off they go to the bakers
For a pie of pork and pickle
Trundling along the road
Riding on their obesecycle

A BITTER PILL

Realisation of my folly comes
As I lay abed at first light
I took a sleeping pill and
A laxative on the same night

ON THEIR OBESECYCLE

On their obesecycle
They have to scurry
Not that the obese
Are able to hurry

They can still walk
Though they don’t bovver
And they are so fat
That they appear to hover

DON’T KEEP THINGS BOTTLED UP

Don’t keep things bottled up
If life is getting you down
Pour yourself a large one
And drink away your frown

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 285

My little old man and I fell out
I'll tell you what it was all about
What agitated the lazy lout
And caused him to shout
Making me and him fall out
Was that I had money and he had nowt

ARE YOU WEARING A RED CHAPEAU?

Are you wearing a red chapeau?
It’s a very daring choice of yours
Because wearing a red chapeau
They’ll say red hat and no drawers

I'VE JUST HEARD THE WINDOW CLEANER

I've just heard the window cleaner
He was really making tongues wag
Cursing, shouting and swearing
I think he’d clearly lost his rag

I CAN’T BELIEVE THE SIZE OF MY WATER BILL

I can’t believe the size of my water bill
It’s really getting me down
According to Oxfam for £3 a month
I can supply a whole town

A Little Bit Of Humour # 1

ARE YOU WEARING A CHAPEAU?

Are you wearing a chapeau?
That’s the French for hat you know?
Well you look quite sweet I must say
Though I’m not a huge fan of the beret
And the rather limp looking overcoat
It isn’t really what you’d call haute
But I need to find a condom dispenser
Because I have a thing for Frank Spencer

UNDERNEATH THE SPREADING CHESTNUT TREE

Two old retired generals
In the autumn of their years
One was a French Hussar
The other of the Grenadiers

One spoke of conquering Spain
The other one of India
One of conquering the hun
The Frenchman of Canada

The two men argued for hours
People thought them bonkers
But it was quite innocent
They were just playing conquers

SWINGERS

Two couples decided to swing
And swapped partners to play
“That was the best sex ever”
Hugo said afterwards to Ray
His friend agreed and added
“I wonder if the girls are ok”

I NEED GLASSES

I need glasses
So it would appear
But the glasses I need
Let me be clear
Are glasses of wine
And glasses of beer

WHEN MY GRAN GOT OUT OF BED # 1

When my Gran got out of bed
And suddenly felt chest pain
She knew that she had only
Stood on her nipples again

CHARITY PLEADERS # 1

Just 3 pounds a month
Will help them meet their quota
So the fund raisers can drive
Their 30 grand motor

DON’T THROW IN THE TOWEL

Don’t throw in the towel
When times get tough
Because no matter how bad
No matter how rough
It doesn’t really help
Because you see
Throwing in the towel
Just makes more laundry

THE CARROT CAKE

The Carrot cake
I have to say
You can include
As one of your five a day

SHEEPISH CONVERSE

A sheep bleats in the twilight
As day drifts into night
So I responded in like wise
Much to my wife’s surprise
“Why on earth did you just bleat?
You’re not a bloody sheep”
I replied, “I am not of the country
So it simply occurred to me
That in my humble view
It was the polite thing to do”

LOW EXPECTATIONS

I find that in my life
Low expectations are advised
Because I am rarely disappointed
And often quite surprised

MEMORY MAN

I remember the words
To every number one
Since 1968
Every single one
But for some reason,
Not that anyone cares,
I can’t remember why
I walked up the stairs

21st CENTURY NURSERY RHYMES # 284

I'll tell you a story
About an affluent Tory
Who waxed on the big society

I'll tell you another
About Ed and his brother
Who questioned his propriety

WHEN I TOLD MUM

When I told mum
I had opened a theatre
I got a rather strange
Reaction from her
“Are you having me on?”
She said to me
I said “you'll have to audition
And then we’ll see”

SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE # 1

As a proud Briton
I will be disappointed
If Scotland choose to go

As an Englishman
I’ll be disappointed
If they vote no

ARE YOU WEARING BLACK NAIL VARNISH?

Are you wearing black nail varnish?
Well it’s just a bit of a macabre garnish
And its going to stand out is all I will say
When dressed in white on your wedding day

An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 64) St David’s Day

When I returned to the village after a rattling good shag with Shula in the back of the Mahajak’s shop van, Shula was in much higher spirits after our adventure in the lay-by than she was before it.
I parked the truck by the back door to the shop and got out; I went around to the passenger side and helped Shula step down and managed to slip a hand up her sweater and even uncupped one perky little tit before her feet hit the floor.
“Thank you Simon” she said “but you’re only supposed to take my hand”
“I’ll remember that for next time” I said
She opened the rear door to the shop while I opened the back doors of the van.
“Alois, Alois” she called and the amiable young man appeared.
“Yes Shula” he said attentively
“Can you unload the van please” she asked kindly “So Simon can return home”
“Yes Shula” he said surprised at being asked to do something rather be ordered “of course Shula”
He looked at me and I nodded sagely and he smiled before going about his task.
I patted him on the shoulder and said
“She’s warming to you Alois”

When I got back home Katy was sat in the kitchen with Maria Cherry-Thicket who stood up and excused herself within minutes of my return.
I think she still harboured her suspicions about my moral suitability.
Of course she was perfectly correct about her instincts regarding me.
She did after all catch me and Tilly Bushe in Santa’s Grotto or more precisely caught me in Tilly in the grotto.
Though Tilly and I covered our tracks before she raised the alarm she knew what she saw and she was uncomfortable in my presence.
As the front door closed Katy let out long sigh.
“Thank you God” she said looking to the heavens,
“Katy” I rebuked her
“I don’t mean it” she said, “Maria is a lovely person but a little too pious”
In the evening Claire called in on her way home, it was only a very short visit but we would see more of her on Saturday.
Later that night as I sat in the uncomfortable chair next to Katy’s bed she said
“You’re a very kind man Simon”
“What’s brought this on?” I asked
“Well letting me stay here, in your house, in your bed, looking after me” she elaborated “and today driving the van to help Shula”
Well I felt a bit guilty about that, although I meant well and did it to help her I did end up helping myself.
“We all have to do what we can as we go along the road” I said “that’s all”

On Saturday I rose early to a beautiful sunny morning, the nicest morning we had seen for several weeks.
Katy also woke early and prompted by the certain knowledge that her future didn’t hold many such glorious mornings she arose.
It pained me greatly on such a morning that I had to chastise her for attempting the stairs unaided.
“I came down on my bum” she said, “It was quite safe”
As a result of her solo ascent she was seated on her throne in the kitchen when the nurse arrived,
And I was much surprised to see Molly had sent me a pretty one with strawberry coloured hair, she was barely five feet tall, slender and pale.
Things were looking up, though we did nothing more than smile and flirt and I was reminded of Molly’s words to me “if I sent you a pretty one, what would you do with her”

We had a number of visitors during the course of the day; all sanctioned by the formidable Olivier Adamson, but none of them stayed for long.
In the evening there was no repeat of the pretty nurse but instead we were blessed with a pretty doctor when Claire Andrews walked through the front door.
“Hello!!” she called “Anybody home”
“In here” I called back
I was alone in the kitchen at the time Claire walked in
“Where’s Katy?” she asked a split second before the toilet flushed.

Claire took Katy into the lounge and did the medical stuff while I prepared the evening meal, well when I said prepared I should more aptly say I put a frozen Pasticcio into the oven.
Claire was staying for dinner and was also staying the night while I did another Roving Angels Patrol.

After dinner and when everything was cleared away it was time to get Katy upstairs for the night.
“Right miss” I said “Are you going to be miss independent again or do you want me to carry you up”
“Carry please” she said quietly like a naughty child.
I picked her up and instantly thought she was getting lighter.
I carried her upstairs and Claire followed behind us.
I sat her on the bed and Claire took over while I got ready to go out.

I was in the spare room just about to pull up my trousers when Claire pushed open the door and stood staring.
“Can I help you?” I asked
“Oh yes” she answered with a leer
I pulled up my trousers and walked to the door
“That will have to wait until later” I said and kissed her
Then she put her keys in my hand
“This will get you home quicker” she said and we kissed again.

It was a bitter cold night for patrolling with the Angels and I was pleased at the end of the shift to get into Claire’s car and put the heater on full blast.
I was suitably thawed out by the time I pulled onto the drive.
In my absence Claire had sat up with Katy for the evening and when I walked into my study she greeted me warmly in my bed.

A few hours later I was woken by the alarm on Claire’s phone.
She had set it so she could get up and return to the spare room before Katy woke for the day.
She silenced the alarm and she quietly and carefully tried to slip out of bed unnoticed.
But as she sat on the edge and prepared to stand up I hooked my arm around her waist and pulled her back under the covers.
“I have to go,” she protested
“Come first, and then go,” I insisted.

After obliging my lusty request she slipped away upstairs and I slipped into a coma and it was almost one o’clock when I came to.
I awoke to the marvellous aroma of Roast pork wafting down the hallway.
I padded along to the kitchen to find Katy and Claire hard at it cooking Sunday lunch.
“Wow roast dinner” I said “that’s great I’m starving”
The two women turned their heads towards me and simultaneously looked me up and down and said in unison
“Shower”
I did as instructed and when I returned every thing was on the table with both women seated I walked to the vacant seat and Claire handed me the carving utensils.
“Thank you doctor” I said in my best Dr Kildare and we all laughed.

After lunch Claire and I cleared away while Katy sat at the table and chatted to us.
“As soon as were finished its Sunday Matinee time,” I said
“What do you fancy?”
“I don’t mind” Katy said
“Do you have “It’s a wonderful life””? Claire asked
“Oooh that’s my sisters favourite” Katy announced
“I didn’t know you had a sister,” I said
“I have two,” she replied proudly
“Older or younger?” Claire asked
“Both older,” Katy replied, “I’m the baby of the family”
Claire and I just smiled and nodded
“Anne is the oldest, and she and her husband Clive live in the Sudan where they run an orphanage, and Marion lives in Alaska where she married a local man Bob and they run a Church school in a remote settlement”
“Wow, do you get to see them often?” Claire asked
“No, no I don’t” she replied sadly
“When did you see them last?” I queried
“Seven years ago at Maz’s wedding” she replied
Then Claire asked the difficult question
“Do they know?”
“Yes” she answered
“Are they coming back to see you?” Again it was Claire with the hard question
“No, I’m afraid not” she said sadly “they live too far away and they don’t have the money to fly over”
There was a brief silence when Claire and I didn’t know what to say, I think Katy picked up on our failure and filled the silence
“We write and email and talk on the phone when we can, we’ll get to say goodbye one way or another”

After the film Claire stayed for supper and helped get Katy settled before she went home.
Then I read the Philosophers Stone to her until it was finished.

On Monday Molly sent me the pretty nurse again, the one with the strawberry coloured hair.
Her name was Freya St David, and I managed to get in some first class flirting before she rushed off.
“See you this evening,” she said as she left
Things were definitely looking up.
However apart from a marked improvement in the crumpet quality of the nurse it was an uneventful day.

On Tuesday while pretty Freya attended to Katy I searched in the lounge for the Vicars address book, which only took me a few minutes to locate and it took another five to find the information I was looking for.
I was just leaving the lounge as the nurse was coming down the stairs.
I offered Freya a coffee and to my delight she accepted.

Just after she left the phone rang, when I answered it, it was Robert Hunter asking if, providing she was up to it, he could steal Katy away for a few hours for a Women’s Institute lunch.
I check with the vicar and she was actually quite exited at the prospect so I agreed.
After I waved her off I went down to the surgery to see Olivier.
I gave her the names and addresses of Katy’s sisters and asked her to arrange tickets for them.
“I didn’t know she had sisters,” she said
“Nor did we” I answered and took my wallet out of my pocket.
Then I placed my credit card on the counter.
“First class open return” I said “and charge it all to this”
“Yes Simon” she said rather out of character, she’d never called me Simon before. “Leave it to me”

When I left the surgery I went across the road to the shop to see if Shula needed me to take her to the Cash and Carry in the van or just to take her in the back of the van.
That thought prompted a stirring of the beast below but when I got there I found Alois and Maisie working in the shop together.
Anjuli and Shula were both at the hospital as Omid had taken a turn for the worse.
That kind of took the edge off my dishonourable intentions towards Shula though my stirring didn’t abate.
So that lunchtime while the vicar was being dined by the W.I. I gave India Carrington a thorough spanking in my garage once more.
Alas our wonderfully stimulating session in my improvised house of pain and pleasure was to be our last which carried with it considerably less significance than the fact that when Katy returned from her luncheon she stepped through my front door for the very last time.

She had much enjoyed her lunch date but she said she was tired and would have a little nap.
I was also quite tired courtesy of India’s appetites so I fell asleep in front of the TV only waking when pretty Freya knocked on the door.

After having attended to Katy a prolonged exchange of significant flirting between Freya and myself followed before I said goodbye to her.
Katy was refreshed by her sleep and was hungry enough for supper though she chose to eat it in bed.
She fell asleep while as I read her “The Chamber of Secrets”.

The next day there was no pretty Freya knocking on the door at 8 o’clock in the morning; instead it was my cousin Molly.
“Hi Simon” she said brightly “did you get my present?”
“Hi Moll, yes I did” I replied “Thank you”
“Have you opened it yet?” she asked
“No not yet” I answered
The present she was referring to of course was Freya St David.
“Better hurry,” she said, “She’s in great demand”
“Don’t worry” I assured her “I will un-wrap it very soon”

The reason Molly was there was to cover for me while I went to Roehampton to see Georgia and reacquaint myself with her tidy bod.
I hadn’t seen her in the flesh for a while and she had an itch to scratch and I had the scratcher.

I called in at Mahajak’s on the way to the station to see if Shula had any needs I could fulfil and Alois told me Omid had died during the night.
I left the shop and was lost in my thoughts as I walked on towards the station; I was snapped back to reality by the sound of a car horn.
When I looked up it was Dr Andrews, who pulled her car to the curbside just ahead of me.
“Where are you off too?” she asked having noticed my overnight bag.
“I’m going off to see Georgie,” I answered
“Lucky girl” she said and looked surprised she had said it aloud and quickly added, “Give her my best” and drove off before I had a chance to speak.
“Well I was planning to give her my best,” I thought to myself

After a thoroughly nerve tingling 24 hours with Georgia, in which I reacquainted myself with every inch of her nubile form, I returned by train to Bushy Down.



It was just after lunch on a cold damp Thursday afternoon.
February was drawing to a close but the winter seemed reluctant to loosen its grip.
I called in to the shop to offer Shula my condolences, not in this case a euphemism but she was in bed asleep.
I did however speak with Alois at length, and I found my original assessment of him to be borne out, finding him to be a very likeable young man.
I thought that Shula could do a lot worse than to set her newly widowed cap at the young man before me.
I thought they would make a good match even though it meant potentially losing another of the fillies from my stable
He was very timid and he would be perfect for Shula to manipulate and shape, in the shop as well as in her bed.
“Look after her” I said to him “she needs your support”
“I will,” he said earnestly
“She might talk tough but inside she’s really just marsh mallow”
I said as I shook his hand.

When I got to within sight of the house I saw Pandora’s mini pull up outside Judith’s house.
Judith got out of the passenger side and gave me a smile and a wave as she made her way up the path.
As I approached the car Pandora wound down her window and said
“Hello darling, when are you coming to the club?”
“Never mind hello darling” I said “I got a proper telling off from Olivier Adamson for letting you and Jude in to see Katy without going through the proper channels”
“Oh dear” she said unsympathetically
“Don’t worry I’ll make it up to you darling, I promise”
“I would look forward to that,” I thought as I watched her drive away.

As I approached the front door I was feeling quite fatigued after answering all of Georgia’s demands and I was hoping that Molly wasn’t going to be in a playful mood, as I didn’t think I had it in me to have it in her.
As luck would have it she had the curse or to quote her own words
“I’ve got the decorators in”
While I was away Katy had been it some discomfort and Claire would be calling in the next morning to see if was time to increase her meds.

Contrary to the old adage March came in like a lamb and gave us our first glimpse of spring.
And along with the early spring sunshine the beautiful Dr Andrews arrived with an expression on her face that didn’t match the morning.
“I’ll go straight up,” She said

She was upstairs for about half an hour and her expression was no brighter when she came down than it was on the way up.
She walked straight over to me and hugged me.
“Every thing ok?” I asked
“I didn’t think we’d have to go onto the strong stuff for another week or two” she replied “It’s progressing faster than I imagined”
For the next ten minutes Claire sobbed into my chest.

This new pain management was stronger than before but had a smaller window of effectiveness, which meant the nurse’s visits would increase and within a week or two would necessitate a nurse on duty overnight.

For my part I wanted to maintain some semblance of routine with Katy as long as possible and I kept up with the Harry Potter.

Claire gave the midday injection and in the evening pretty Freya called in at the usual time.
We flirted a bit as usual and then as she was leaving she said
“See you at midnight”

I was starting to get used to the uncomfortable chair as I read another three chapters from The Chamber of Secrets.
I only stopped at three, as there was a knock at the front door.
I opened it a few minutes before midnight.
The diminutive figure of Freya St David was standing on the step in the cold night air.
“Come in” I urged her “you don’t have to knock”
“I don’t like to enter anywhere uninvited” she said making it sound deliciously dirty.
“I’ll bare that in mind for the future” I said

While she was upstairs giving Katy her injection I was in the kitchen washing up some coffee mugs and glasses.
I didn’t hear her come downstairs nor did I hear her walk into the kitchen and sidle up behind me.
In fact the first time I knew she was standing behind me was when she slipped her arms around me and began to unfasten my belt, she then proceeded to undo the button on my jeans and tug down my zip and before I could blink she had my trousers and pants around my knees and her hands on my cock.
After a minute or two Freya steered me around so I was facing her from where she could kiss me and grab my cock in a more meaningful way at the same time.
Pretty little Freya had taken complete control of the situation, which was something I was quite unaccustomed too and it was rather refreshing.
Nonetheless I reclaimed the initiative by lifting the diminutive little nurse up off the floor until she was standing on a kitchen chair where she continued to kiss me while I yanked her black tights and lacy knickers down to her knees.
I slid my hands up the backs of her thighs until I reached the fleshy little cheeks of her buttocks, which I caressed and squeezed before I seated her on the table so I could completely remove her pants and tights.
I sat down on the chair, which placed me perfectly between her white skinny thighs, and I was about to drink from her velvet cup when she pushed my head back.
“Later” she said taking the initiative again and climbed on to my lap.
She kissed me hard on the mouth and her little tongue darted in and out of my mouth like a tiny serpent as she impaled her hot tight cunny around my cock, her hot breath filling my mouth as she moaned and slid down on me.
I instantly set about separating her from her uniform, which only took a few seconds once I had located the zip.
Once she was naked my hands quickly sort out and found her lovely little breasts.
Freya by that time had her arms wrapped tightly around my neck and was going at me with relish, her mouth was now by my ear and she was moaning hoarsely as she pumped down.
All I could do at the point when the pace became frenetic was to grasp at her buttocks and hang on for dear life as she pumped up and down on my shaft, faster and faster.
“Oh Simon” She whimpered as she moved towards the abyss.
I moved my hands up to her hips to control the rhythm.
As she gripped the back of the chair behind my head and through gritted teeth her moans grew louder and louder and louder
“Ohhhh god” she screamed and throwing back her head she pumped on me again and then I came in her.
Again she pumped and again milking me of every drop.
“Mmmm” Freya exclaimed as she wrapped herself around my neck again and kissed me.
We stayed like that for a minute or so then she was on the move and released my cock from its syrupy tomb with a pleasurable sigh.
And I took her to my bed.

An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 63) Coq Au Vin

It was the Friday morning after Valentines Day when I was rudely awakened from my slumber by a persistent banging sound.
This was particularly annoying as I was snuggled up comfortably behind Claire on the sofa beneath a tartan blanket and was in no mood to relinquish my privileged position.
The banging continued and I suddenly remembered.
“Nurse” I shouted
“No, me doctor, you writer” Claire said and chuckled then she added.
“I can dress up as a nurse if you like, blue cotton dress, puffy sleeves, starched white apron, black stockings and no knickers”
She chuckled again
Bang, bang, bang,
“No” I said, “That’s the nurse”
“Oh shit,” Claire exclaimed
I jumped out of bed and pulled on my trousers as I went out the door I looked back and said
“I like the sound of the nurse’s uniform hon, so hold that thought”
I tugged my shirt on over my head as I rushed down the hall to the front door.
I took a breath and then opened it and a tall ruddy-faced woman was standing there.
“I’m so sorry nurse,” I said “it was a bit of a long night, do come in”
“And how is the patient now?” she asked as she stepped inside.
So I briefly told her that after a restless night Katy’s fever had finally broken in the early hours.
She paused briefly at the foot of the stairs to ask if she had eaten anything and what fluids she had, had and then she went upstairs.
I went back to the study and found Claire hiding behind the door with the tartan throw wrapped around her.
“My clothes are in the upstairs bathroom,” she whispered
I had wondered what she had done with them
“You have your big knickers” I corrected her and laughed
“It’s not funny” she said crossly and then contradicted herself by laughing.
“Come on” I said taking her hand and leading her out into the hall
“Where are we going?” she asked
“Well you are going in here” I said and opened the shower room door “You can have a shower while the nurse is upstairs, I will come and get you when she’s gone”
Then I kissed her and left her to it.

I was in the kitchen washing up when the nurse came back down.
“Ok Mr. Fisher she’s still sleeping soundly, her temperature is fine, and I didn’t wake her so I have left her meds in a cup on the bedside table” The nurse said
“You can leave her sleeping for another hour or so but no more than two”
“Thank you nurse” I said and showed her to the door.

When the front door closed behind her I went up stairs and retrieved Claire’s clothes from the upstairs bathroom and carried them down to the study.
Then I undressed in the hall outside the shower room before opening the door and going in.
I could see Claire’s well-defined shape through the glass before I opened the door and joined her in the cubicle.
“And what do you think you’re doing?” she asked
“I’m just making sure you don’t miss anything” I replied
“I don’t think anything will be missed” she said and kissed me as her soapy hand took hold of my shaft.
“In fact I think I’m probably going to get everything”

Once I was satisfied every inch of Claire’s body was absolutely clean, and having paid particular attention the parts of special interest, I sullied her anew in the shower and then washed her all over again.
I left Claire drying herself as I was apparently only drying the interesting bits and ran upstairs to get dressed.
When I was decent I looked in on Katy who was just getting out of bed.
“Morning Katy” I said
“Morning Simon” she responded “Is it time for breakfast yet?”
“Yes it is” I replied with a chuckle “do you want it in bed?”
“I think I’d like to come downstairs for it” she said
“Bath first?” I asked
“Mm, please” she answered
I left her sitting on the bed and went in the bathroom and ran the bath.
“Can I come in” Claire called as I was on my way back to get Katy
“Yes” we chorused
Claire took over the bath routine and I went down to cook breakfast.

As Claire was technically on call the night before, even though due to the problems with the mobile network she didn’t get called, she didn’t need to be at the surgery until around eleven which was much later than usual so she joined us for breakfast.
Obviously her previous exertions had left a hole in her reserves, which needed to be filled because she cleared her plate and had some off of mine as well.
She nearly choked as she stole the second chipolata off my plate and I said
“Haven’t you had enough sausage yet?”
“Not nearly enough” she replied

It was almost 10.30am as we sat at the kitchen table having consumed our full English breakfasts and were just finishing our tea when I said to Katy as she yawned
“Tired already, all you’ve done is eat and sleep since your fever broke”
“Well you know me and fried food, and that bed is so comfortable”
She replied
“There’s no reason why you can’t carry on sleeping up there” I suggested
“No I couldn’t,” she said definitely
“Of course you can” I insisted
“Where will you sleep?” Katy asked
“Well, when I’m here I can sleep in the spare room or my study”
I replied
“You don’t need all the paraphernalia down here yet and you can see visitors up there just as well as in the lounge”
“You’ll be much more comfortable up there” Claire added “that hospital bed is so hard”
Then Claire blushed as she had just alluded to an afternoon of lust in the lounge with me.
“I’ll change the bedding of course,” I said changing the subject “you were a bit of a sweaty Betty”
Then still blushing Claire said
“I need to get to the surgery” and got up and kissed us both on the cheeks.
I followed her out of the kitchen and helped her on with her coat before kissing her goodbye properly.

After Claire had gone I made Katy another drink.
“Are you ok sitting in here while I go and make the bed?”
“Of course” she replied “I rather like it in here”
I went upstairs and changed the bedding and after depositing the dirty set in the wash bin I carried the laundry basket downstairs.
“Your bed chamber is ready for you madam,” I announced
“Could I stay down here a bit longer?” she asked
“I don’t see why not” I replied.
So I set up an armchair in the corner of the kitchen for her, she was very pleased.
“Great” she said, “now I can enjoy the view”
It was a nice view I agreed though I rather took it for granted.
“More importantly” she continued, “from now on I’ll be closer to the food”
We both laughed but it was a pleasure she wouldn’t be able enjoy towards the end so to quote the Reverend word for word
“I intend to make the most of it while I can”

Later that morning, having discussed it with Katy first, I phoned Olivier at the surgery about resuming visiting.
Katy felt guilty for letting people down by not being able to see them, now that she was feeling better she was keen to try and reduce the backlog.
We didn’t see Claire anymore that day as about and hour after speaking to Olivier we heard the news that Omid Mahajak had collapsed in the shop.
It happened shortly after Claire left us and she was actually passing by the shop on the way to the surgery when it happened.
Claire attended to him and stayed with him until the ambulance arrived, which was some time as there were delays due to the previous night’s snow.
This made her exceptionally late for her rounds, which kept her, occupied for the rest of the day and as she was away for a family occasion we wouldn’t see her until Tuesday.
I have to say that the first thought to enter my mind was how it was going to affect me.
The last time Omid was in hospital I was comforting Shula every other night infact I was comforting the arse of her three days a week.
I just didn’t have time for that kind of commitment this time.

After lunch Katy went upstairs for a rest, and she slept all afternoon.
That gave me a chance to catch up on the laundry.
In the evening she had a couple of visitors, who she received in the lounge, and then a very apologetic out of breath district nurse arrived.
When she had gone Katy and I had a very passable lasagne courtesy of Clemence Carrington from the European home cooked Meal Mountain in my chest freezer.
After that Katy watched me clear away before I carried her upstairs where she got herself ready for bed.
I stayed on hand just by the bathroom door in case I was needed.
But I wasn’t and she emerged and made herself comfortable in bed.
“There’s nothing quite like fresh bed linen is there?” she said
“No indeed there isn’t,” I agreed
Then we finished watching “The Philadelphia Story” and I read a few chapters of Harry Potter before the long blinks set in and she was ready for sleep.

Saturday morning was a much quieter affair than the day before and I was up and dressed before the district nurse knocked on the door.
I think Molly had finally run out of frumpy nurses and had started to recycle them because I had definitely seen that day’s specimen before.
Mid morning, with Katy sat on her throne in the kitchen we had two unexpected visitors, Judith Hunt and Pandora Parkinson-Brown.
They were very apologetic for not going through the proper channels; they were going out for the day with the Beaumont’s
“We were on our way out so we thought we’d just pop in and say hello,” Judith said.
They stayed for an hour then left us in peace to eat lunch.
In the afternoon I asked Katy what she would prefer TV or book and she answered
“Cribbage”
So she spent the next couple of hours wiping the floor with me until the new Vicar Robert Hunter and his fiancé Ophelia Bushe arrived.
They were staying that night as I was on patrol with the Roving Angels.
We were all sitting around the kitchen table laughing and joking when there was a knock at the door, I checked the clock on the wall and thought to myself “that will be this evenings frumpy Nurse”.
But when I opened the door I found it was Molly.
“Hi Moll, I was right then” I said
“Right about what?” she asked
“I was just thinking that its time for the frumpy nurse to call and here you are,” I said
“Cheeky git” she said punching my arm
After she had attended to Katy she joined the rest of us for an Indian takeaway.
As we were demolishing our curry banquet Katy declared
“This is one thing I am definitely going to miss”
Now far from this putting a dampener on proceedings it prompted raucous laughter and a deep theological discussion on whether heaven could truly be heaven without Indian food.
In the end the consensus was that Indian and Chinese would be available but Pizzas would not.
After dinner Tilly helped Katy get ready for bed and Robert and Molly cleared away while I got into my Roving Angels uniform.

As it turned out I didn’t have to leave the house as early as I had thought.
As Molly was on nights at Kiddlingtone Hospital she offered to drop me off as it was on her way.
On the journey I felt I had to broach the subject of the undesirable nurses she had been sending and by undesirable I mean unattractive.
As nurses I had no complaints at all they were just a bit dowdy.
“I’m not sending them for your benefit” she pointed out.
“And anyway if I sent you a pretty one what would you do with her?”
“Or put another way when would you do her?”
I had to admit she made a valid point; it was difficult to make a move on one of the nurses.
“Fair comment” I admitted
“If there was any chance of a shag I’d be doing all the visits myself” she said as she pulled into the car park.
“Well I promise to jump you the first chance I get,” I said and I gave her a quick kiss, which soon turned into a snog.

After a long boring shift on the mean streets of Kiddlingstone I Arrived home in a Taxi just before 5 am.
I dumped my fleece and coat on the back of a kitchen chair and went upstairs to look in on Katy before I crept into my study and crawled onto a sofa and fell instantly asleep.

I didn’t see or hear the Nurse in the morning so had no way of knowing if she was another frump or not.
Robert went off early to St Lucy’s for the morning service while
Tilly stayed to attend to Katy until I resurfaced.
Katy had wanted to go to church herself but as she was still recovering from the fever she got the last time she went it was decided in her best interests that she should stay home and credit to Tilly she stood her ground.
She had a lot of visitors that Sunday, 12 in all and she had already had 4 before I got up and another 2 before I appeared in the kitchen showered and dressed for the day.
Within ten minutes of my arrival Tilly rushed off to join her beloved Robert and Katy and I settled back into our own routine.
Had I known however that she had already spent much of the morning with visitors I wouldn’t have agreed so readily to the six she had in the afternoon.
It completely wore her out and Katy had a very uncomfortable night as she had done too much.

As a result of her poor nights sleep and her obvious discomfiture the nurse gave her a sedative and Katy slept a lot of the day.
This enabled me to spend Monday afternoon spanking a very obliging India Carrington in my garage.
Thankfully Katy had a much better nights sleep on Monday night.

The next morning I left Katy sitting in the kitchen while I took a walk down to Mahajak’s store to pick up some bread and milk.
I saw Victoria Braithwaite walking the opposite way carrying a bag of shopping and we engaged in conversation.
I was in a hurry as I didn’t really want to leave Katy on her own for any longer than necessary but Victoria did like to chat.
But she obviously picked up on my anxiety as after a few minutes of chatting she suggested she could go and sit with the Vicar while I did the shopping.
I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her that the front door was on the latch.
In the shop I saw Maisie stacking shelves at the back of the shop
“Hi Mais” I called
“Hello Simon” she called back, smiled and carried on working.
I quickly dashed around the shop and picked up the few bits I wanted and went up to the counter just as Shula’s tidy little arse appeared as she reversed out through bead curtain.
“Just do it the way I asked for Gods sake” she snapped
As she turned around her face looked tired and drawn but her frown melted away when she saw me and her face beamed.
“Simon” she said flustered “I didn’t realise it was you”
“How are you doing hon?” I asked
“Oh not bad” she replied “Maisie has been a terrific help but she cant be here as many hours as we need her with Omid in hospital and with Anjuli or me spending so much time with him its difficult”
“Is there anything I can do?” I asked
She smiled and blushed and I think she was about to say exactly what I could do for her when the bead curtains parted and there appeared a nice looking young man only a year or two older than Shula who tutted loudly at his arrival.
“Simon Fisher, this is Alois Zunguzah,” She said and we shook hands.
“Alois is my cousin and he is here to help us out while Omid is in hospital. It was decided by the family to send him”
Then he slipped back through the curtain.
“It’s just a shame the family have sent me an idiot” Shula said somewhat harshly loud enough for him to hear.
I returned home and relieved Victoria and the rest of the day passed off without incident.

As did Wednesday apart from a visit from Olivier Adamson
who called in to tell me off for letting Judith and Pandora in to see Katy without an appointment.
“Without rules there would be anarchy Mr Fisher” she sermonised
I apologised but suggested to her that perhaps visitors should be spread out across the day so Katy could rest between visits.
Olivier seemed to take the suggestion on board.

Life with Katy had seemed to settle into its own pattern and Thursday was no exception.
Lunchtime briefly found me back in the shop where I found Shula in a blue funk.
“What where the family thinking?” she asked me
“What kind of an asset is he supposed to be when he can’t even drive the shop van?”
In an effort to calm her down I took Shula outside the shop to talk to her and managed to pour oil on troubled waters and calm her down sufficiently and then I heard myself volunteering to drive the van to the cash and carry for her on Friday, provided I could find someone to look after Katy while I did so.

On Friday morning I left Katy in good spirits with Maria Cherry-Thicket, who taught drama at St Lucy’s school, to keep her company while I drove Shula to the cash and carry.
It was an amazing place, I had never been to one before, and it was like an Aladdin’s cave of goodies.
But Shula was not as impressed as I was and nor was she in as good a humour.
We finished the shopping as we began it, in silence.
I loaded the stock into the van and exited the car park also in silence.
On the way out of Kiddingstone it started to rain, I tried to coax her into conversation but still Shula sat in ill humoured silence.
When I turned onto the Bushy Downe road the sky had grown really dark and thunder cracked in the distance.
Then the rain fell ever harder until the wipers could barely cope.
As luck would have it we were just approaching the same lay-by that Georgia and I stopped in the previous summer when we disgraced ourselves in the family Passatt.
Anyway on this occasion I turned into the lay-by to wait for the rain to abate.
I had barely applied the handbrake when Shula started nibbling my earlobe as the thunderstorm took hold. I had clearly established the reason for her ill humour, she was frustrated.
“That’s not the reason I stopped here,” I said weekly but that was the sum total of my resistance as moments later I had her sweater off and I was sucking on her chocolate coloured nipples while I unzipped her jeans.
I tugged the denim off her buttocks and her cotton panties quickly followed.
Thunder clapped loudly overhead as my finger explored the moistness of her minge.
And it was while I was considering exactly how I was going to finish her off, that a HGV roared loudly into the lay-by and Shula was spooked.
She quickly covered herself, conscious that she might be seen, but I knew they couldn’t see us any more than we could see them.
So as quickly as it was possible to do with a throbbing hard on in my trousers I opened the driver’s door and ran around to the passenger side.
I opened the passenger door and unceremoniously bundled her through the side door in amongst the boxes of baked beans and soup.
Then I climbed in after her and closed the door behind me.
With an excited giggle she stripped off her clothes and set about releasing my swollen manhood from its confines.
She was kissing me urgently with her tongue darting in and out of my mouth while she tugged roughly on my cock.
Then with a grin spread wide across her face she settled back on a case of vegetable oil with her legs spread wide and her lips open to her juicy pink quim.
I fingered her hot pussy with two fingers of one hand making her moan while she grasped hold of my cock.
Then she pushed my sticky fingers away from her dewy lips with one hand and pulled me into her with the other.
"This is how you can help me,” she moaned appreciatively.
Her legs locked around me and crossed at the ankles and she pulled me all the way in.
“Ohhhhh” she exclaimed as she received me.
The same with the next stroke and the next
I gave her three more full lengths and she came noisily
Shula panted a few times through gritted teeth
Then when she came again the volume of her climax was almost deafening in the confines of the van.
Shula was making my balls wet and deafening me simultaneously.
As I continued she came twice more in quick succession making the same delicious sound and the van was rocking.
“Oh”
“Oh”
“Oh”
“Ohhhhh”
I was on the very brink of ecstasy and Shula’s next orgasm would be the finale for us both.
I had a great rhythm going, her legs were gripping me hard and I was playing with her tits as I banged her and banged her
“Orrrrw” she uttered with every hard stroke
“Orrrrw”
Then as the strokes shortened it changed until we reached that perfect point of climax when we both came together
“OORRRRR” she screamed at the top of her lungs and thunder boomed so loud above it shook the van as if to punctuate our passion.

An Antidote To Writers Block (Part 62) St Valentine’s Day (Part Two)

After I watched Claire drive off in her 4 x 4 into the snowy late afternoon I went inside and drew all the curtains, turned on the lights and cranked the heating up.
Then I went into the kitchen and boiled the kettle.

I made Katy and I a drink, but before I carried them upstairs I went into what used to be the lounge and picked up a couple of DVD’s and the Harry Potter book I had been reading to her.
With the entertainment tucked under my arm and two steaming mugs in my hand I knocked on the door with my free hand.
“Are you decent?” I asked as I slowly pushed open the door.
“You don’t have to knock” she said weakly
“It’s the polite thing to do before entering a ladies boudoir” I said gallantly
“There you are Milady” I said as I put her tea on the nightstand
“Thanks” she said “I’m really gasping”
“I bought up a couple of films” I said with a frown as I drew the curtains and noticed the snow was falling faster
“Or we could carry on with the book” I added as I put on the bedside lamp
“Could we just have some music?” Katy said “I don’t think I can concentrate on anything else”
“Of course, do you have a preference?” I asked
“Something classical would be nice” she replied “no Wagner or Mahler, something light”
“I have just the thing” I said as I got up and left the room.
I came back about five minutes later with my laptop and connected it to the TV.
After a moment or two a selection of John Barry tunes began to play.

While Katy drank her tea I settled myself into the armchair in the corner, which was probably the most uncomfortable chair I had ever sat in, though in truth I only got it for decoration.
“I like this” Katy said after about half an hour, though in truth she kept drifting off to sleep.
I passed the time away scribbling vague story outlines in my notebook, brief snatches of dialogue; character studies that kind of thing.
All of which would be fleshed out on the computer at a later date.
Then the phone rang, I picked it up and could see it was Claire
“Hey you” I said “I was beginning to get a bit worried”
“I’m quite safe” she responded “how’s the patient?”
“Sleeping” I replied
“No I’m not” interrupted Katy
“How’s her temperature?” Claire asked
“I’m not due to take it again for another half an hour” I replied
“Well take it now while I’m on the phone” she insisted
So I did as she asked and it hadn’t changed since lunchtime.
“Should I give her, her tablets now?” I asked
“No the nurse can do that when she gets there” Claire replied
“Ah” I exclaimed
“Ah what?” she asked suspiciously, so I told her about the phone call I took while she was in with Katy.
“I wish you’d told me Simon” she said crossly, “I would have stayed”
“That’s precisely why I didn’t tell you” I replied
“Were you that desperate to get rid of me?” she asked sadly
“Never that” I replied
Claire eventually conceded my motives were well meaning and gave me my instructions for the evening, and promised to ring again later.

It was about 7 o’clock when I woke up in the armchair after a short doze just in time to see Katy coming out of the bathroom.
As she stood in the doorway with the bright bathroom light behind her, her nightie became completely see through.
Despite the facts, that she was a woman of the cloth and terminally ill this was a very pleasing sight.
“What are you up to?” I asked
“I needed the loo” she replied
“I should have been helping you” I said
“I didn’t want to wake you” she said “and I don’t need help to pee”
So I helped her back into bed.
“If you promise to behave while I’m gone, I’ll make you some supper” I said “what would you like?”
“I’m not hungry” she said
“You should try and eat something” I insisted “how about some soup?”
“No not the soup again, it gave me wind” she answered
“I noticed” I said
“Oh, you didn’t?” she exclaimed and blushed
“I think my fever is getting worse” she continued fanning herself at the same time.
“Could I just have another cup of tea” she asked and sank back into the pillows.
“Of course you can?” I said but I don’t think she heard the answer.

While I was in the kitchen I made myself a sandwich and ate it at the table before I went back upstairs.
After her cup of tea Katy said she felt up to watching something so I held up the two DVDs I brought upstairs earlier and let her pick.
So we watched “The Philadelphia Story”, well in truth I watched it while Katy drifted back off into a fitful sleep.
I touched her forehead and it was still burning hot but although the room didn’t feel cold she was shivering so I pulled the throw up over the top of the duvet.

About 9 o’clock the phone rang, I got up from the armchair and hurried downstairs.
“Hello?” I said
“Oh Simon, thank god” Claire exclaimed
“Claire? Why are you ringing on the landline?” I asked
“The network is down because of the blizzards” she explained
“And it’s taken me an absolute age to get this number, I had to phone the Gregory’s first, then they phoned Georgia, who phoned Molly, who phoned your mum who phoned me”
“I’m guessing the call from my mum wasn’t a quick one”
“No, she’s a chatty woman isn’t she?” Claire said with a laugh
“Well you got me in the end” I said
“Anyway how’s the patient doing?” she said back to business
“She’s still very hot and she’s sleeping a lot” I explained
“But she’s not sleeping soundly and she’s not resting comfortably”
There was silence from the phone so I continued
“I think that’s a good sign isn’t it? That means she’s fighting it off” I said hopefully
“How’s her appetite been”? Claire asked avoiding my question
“Not good” I answered “she hasn’t eaten much at all, but I’m keeping her hydrated”
“Hmmm” she responded
“Is hmmm good or bad” I asked
“Neither” she said “Keep watching her closely and hopefully the fever will break by morning”
“And if it doesn’t?” I asked
“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it, call me if there is a change” She said, her voice cracking “I’ll get to you as early as I can in the morning”
And then she was gone.

I slept in the uncomfortable armchair in my room and woke up about 2 am with pins and needles in my arm.
I gingerly picked up my dead arm with my unaffected hand while life flooded painfully back into it.
Having successfully restored blood flow to my stricken limb I walked downstairs to the kitchen.
While I waited for the kettle to boil I looked out the window and it appeared to have stopped snowing.
I opened the back door and looked out, it had stopped and the wind had died away and when I looked up I could breaks in the cloud.
I made a mug of Milo and went back upstairs and Claire was still restlessly murmuring in her sleep.
I settled back into the armchair from hell, drank my Milo and dosed off again.

When I came too an hour or so later I forgot where I was I couldn’t see much in the darkness and there were no familiar sounds to aid me, and then it dawned on me, there was silence.
I fumbled with the light switch on the lamp and eventually switched it on.
There before me, peacefully sleeping in my bed was Katy.
I stood up and walked over to the bedside and sat down.
She was breathing un-laboured and when I touched her forehead it was cool and clammy, her fever had broken.
I sat there for about 20 minutes just watching her sleep then quite suddenly she licked her lips and opened her eyes.
After a moment she looked at me and smiled.
“Could I have an omelette?” she said “I’m starving”
And I burst out laughing.

While Katy sat in bed devouring a five egg omelette I went downstairs and phoned the Doctor
“Hello” A tired voice croaked
“Claire?” I asked not sure if I had just woken some poor unsuspecting stranger
“Simon?” she replied “is everything ok?”
“The fever has broken” I said
“Thank god” Claire responded “is she still sleeping?”
“No” I replied “she’s eating an omelette”
And we both laughed

I hung up the phone and went straight back upstairs to find Katy mopping up the last remnants of her omelette with her third slice of bread.
“Was that to madam’s satisfaction?” I asked her in my pompous butler’s voice
“Lovely” she replied wiping her mouth with her serviette.
“Have you had enough?” I enquired
“Oh yes” she replied “if I have anymore I wont enjoy my breakfast”
“What about another tea?” I suggested
“Oh yes please” she replied with a grin

When I returned with her fresh mug of tea I said
“I phoned Claire, she’ll be here when the weather permits”
And as I sat back in the armchair Katy said
“She loves you, you know?”
“I know” I said honestly “But not the way she loves Brian”
“Yes” she mused “she still loves him very much”
“She’s still in love with him” I continued “And Claire will never leave him”
“It’s a real “till death to us part” kind of thing for her" Katy said "which is how it should be”
I nodded in agreement and then Katy said
“You love her though don’t you?”
“Yes I do” I replied “but not in the way I love Georgia”
“But its love all the same” she added
"Yes it’s definitely love" I conceded
"What a tangled wed we weave" Katy said philosophically
"Yes life can be very complicated"
"Its not life that’s complicated, life is just life, its people who add the complication" Katy corrected me
"You are very sage Katy" i said
"Don’t mention food" she said "I’m still hungry, when’s breakfast?"
I looked at my watch and said
"Not for a couple of hours yet"
"Damn" she cursed and holding out her mug "can I have some more tea then?"
She gave me her trademark lopsided grin as I took the mug from her.

I went downstairs to the kitchen and made her another mug of tea and as I was about to ascend the stairs with it the front door opened and Nanook of the North stepped into the hallway.
The figure was dressed in a fur hat, long winter coat with a heavy woolen scarf wrapped around the neck and knee length boots. Oh and although they couldn’t be seen, practical pants.
“Claire?” I said, “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t have anything better to do” she replied
As she un-wrapped the scarf from around her neck I took off her fur hat and kissed her forehead.
“Where’s your car? I didn’t hear you pull up,” I asked as she sat on the stairs and unzipped her boots
“Do the honours?” she said holding out a leg.
I put down the tea on the hall table and pulled her boot off to reveal knee length “practical socks”.
“I parked at the surgery and walked up” she replied as she held out the other leg “how’s Katy?”
“Fine, she’s just waiting for this”
I replied and picked up the mug of tea.
“I’ll take that up,” she said taking it from my hand before heading up the stairs.
I went back into the kitchen and made drinks for the two of us.
Half an hour later, long after I’d finished my drink and had poured Claire’s down the sink she came back downstairs still wearing her overcoat.
I walked out into the hall to meet her and asked
”Do you want a cuppa?”
”No” she replied “I want some Valentines loving”
”It’s not Valentines Day anymore hon” I said
"It’s close enough" she responded as she unbuttoned her coat to reveal her beautiful naked breasts with her deep pink nipples standing proud in the cold hallway.
The only other thing she had on beneath her coat were the knee length socks and her big white practical pants.
Claire stepped in close and we kissed as my hands slipped inside her coat and settled on her waist which then pulled her closer to me.
Her kiss was warm and sensual and ever fibre of me tingled.
She pulled her lips away but still close enough that I could feel her breath as she spoke
“Where can we go?” she panted.
I kissed her hot mouth quickly and then took her hand and led her into the study, it was as far away from Katy’s sleeping figure as was possible to get.
So even if Dr noisy knickers screamed when she came it was unlikely to disturb Katy.
We went into the study, which was more crowded than was usual due to the necessity of having to store some of the lounge furniture in there.
But there was more than enough room for what we had in mind.
Once inside I slipped her coat off and pushed her back against the door.
I cupped her firm round breasts and teased her nipples until they resembled Valentine rosebuds.
Then I fell to my knees and kissed her fleshy breasts and took each nipple into my mouth in turn as she ran her fingers through my hair.
My fingers were grasping at the waistband of her big knickers,
So I tugged her big practical pants over her plump shapely buttocks and down her thighs.
The further her pants descended so did my lips as I kissed the skin of her quivering belly her knickers had reached her knees,
When they had settled around her ankles my face was buried in her lush fragrant bush.
I let Claire step out of her drawers as I climbed back up her body.
My hands fell on her deliciously firm buttocks as my lips found hers and we kissed again
Claire quickly undressed me until we both stood naked save for our socks.
I guided her towards the larger of the two sofas but she paused.
“Do it like you love me” she implored.
“What?”
“Pretend just for tonight that you love me” she asked
“I don’t have to pretend Claire” I replied and with a huge smile on her face she threw herself into my arms and we kissed.
Then with real urgency she scrambled on to the sofa and waited for me.
She didn’t have to wait long as I scrambled after her and lay half on and half off of her.
I put my hand on the side of her face and pulled her head gently towards mine.
I teased her lips with mine several times until she smiled open mouthed and my tongue penetrated her mouth and we dissolved into a sea of passion.
My hand left her cheek and caught her breast as it rose and fell on her heaving chest.
Claire’s hands scratched lightly at my back as my hand crossed her belly and as my fingers combed through her tousled bush I stopped kissing her.
Claire looked up at me open mouthed as my digits progressed, she closed her eyes and sucked in air through her teeth as she opened like a piece of ripe fruit to the gentle touch of my fingertips.
Between her parted lips my fingers reveled in the sensual syrup of her secretions.
Our foreheads touched and she panted in my face with each stroke along her creamy crack.
With her eyes closed and her lips pursed my fingering became more frenetic until her body tensed and she gasped.
I kissed her hot panting mouth as I maneuvered above her; she grasped my cock firmly and guided me into her hot creamy cunny.
Claire exuded a divinely sensual sound as she received me and her hands were on my buttocks groping and squeezing.
As the tempo increased she moaned and sighed and as she neared Shangri-La when I could feel the burning heat from her pussy, her rasping breaths became deeper.
Her panting became erratic, her head rolled and her nails dug into my fleshy cheeks and then with a sensual scream and a satisfying shudder she cried out in orgasm.
I gave her two more extremely short strokes and I followed her over the abyss.
“Oh” she exclaimed and kissed me as I lay on top of her.
“Was that what you had in mind” I asked between pants
“That was exactly what I had in mind” she replied with a sigh Reluctantly, I withdrew and rolled off her where in blissful contentment we cuddled up underneath a tartan throw and went to sleep.